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Goodbye

I started blogging in 2004. I've switched sites a couple of times and stopped all together a couple of times, but this really is the end.

I want to live my life differently. The internet has it's uses but sucking up my life isn't a great use. I have become reliant on many aspects of the www but really it gives me very little and takes my valuable time.

I have 'met' people who are giving, thoughtful,sincere and great fun through my blog and I hope to continue those relationships in a slightly different way.

But the blogging, it has to go. I'm going to live a richer life, one that I have been wishing for, but hadn't worked out how to achieve. I am figuring it out now and the answer lies within myself. That slow life that I have been bleating on about, there is no room in it for blogging.

I want to learn more about who I am now, as a Mum, a wife, and a woman.

We already live quite a simple life compared to many - we only have one car, we have no debts,we survive on one modest salary, we believe time is more valuable than posessions, but I want to take this to another level and am hoping that it will make us even wealthier in that most valuable of commodities - happiness.

So this is it - farewell I am happily departing. I'll see you all around. Enjoy your lives and take care of yourselves and your families. There's nothing more important.

Cupcakes?

I do tend to use the name cupcakes for the little buns we bake, almost weekly. It's such an Americanism though, and I am re-training myself to use the term I grew up using - Fairy cakes. So much more fitting, especially this weeks effort (see above in the title bar) - They are iced using another of my new food colours - this one is named Fuchsia and is just that (again the photo hasn't captured the true colour). They might not be 'perfect' but I totally think that they deserve the name fairy cakes. We have friends visiting this afternoon and more tomorrow, so I don't suppose they will last much more than 24 hours but whilst they are here, they certainly add a little fairy magic to the table!

Gratitude

After my last post I received several emails from people who understand my current mood. Ladies who I respect and who's friendship is invaluable (even though one of you I have never met!)

Once again I feel humbled to know such great women (and it's not just because you agree with me! lol).

I have met so many amazing women recently and blogging is a part of that, so that is the reason that I continue to blog -in answer to C's question.

I am starting a gratitude journal to take stock of my life and to help the process mentioned in the last post, ie living a slower and a more present life. This will be a private and hand written journal. Something that I hope for my children to read in years to come. Another way of showing them my love for them, for life and for what is and was important to me.

To kick it off I thought I would share today's 'Things to be grateful for'

* My children
* My husband, who expects nothing from me and appreciates everything I do
* My home and the fact that we have a lovely garden in which the children played all afternoon
* That we live in a beautiful area, surrounded by trees and grass
* For a community where even a trip to the supermarket ends up in a chat with friends, play for the children and meeting new and lovely people
* For being able to afford good food and being able to eat together as a family outside in the sunshine
* For my health - tomorrow I have to spend a portion of the day in hospital, having blood tests and xrays but none of it is major and will be sorted out swiftly

Not bad for a 'boring' old Wednesday. In fact when I look back at every little thing we have done today, it has been amazing. To see Lilly playing with ants (I know a little odd), watering her growing vegetables and playing with other children, to see Daniel playing in sand for the first time, to see the pleasure he got from 'writing' with chalk and to see them giggle together - well today has been the best day yet and just think - tomorrow will be even better!

Housekeeping

I have been very busy doing some housekeeping recently. Not only have I done some Spring cleaning, restocked the freezer with home-cooked yummy meals and cleared out our closets.

I have also been doing some other housekeeping, clearing mind clutter and getting rid of stuff in my life that has been holding me back. I have deleted websites from my 'favourites' list that I have been visiting daily out of habit and not because they were particularly useful, interesting or worthy.

The same goes for people, don't get me wrong I'm not about to 'delete' anyone! but I have decided to spend more time pursuing friendships that give me something and less time worrying about those people who suck the very life force from me. You know the type - they are only happy if you are talking about them and really don't give a stuff about you, your life, your family and your dreams.

We are going on holiday soon, you know how it is when you are on holiday - you say to each other "we should always live like this, simplify our lives, stop watching telly and take time to smell the roses and enjoy the wine". Then you come home from holiday, live like that for a week or two and then slowly drift back to old habits, but I really feel ready for some changes in my life. I want to breathe, take time, enjoy my home, family and friends more and concern my life less with irrelevancies.

I am trying to live a simple and slow life. Those four words capture the things I value. To be present in my life. To be driven by the things that I find truly important. To do things I find pleasure in and be with people who make me laugh and smile. To have the strength to follow my heart. To work hard and to be humbled by little things. To feel valuable in what I do. To really treasure each moment in life.

Clearing the cobwebs is good for the soul, and now I feel happier, lighter and ready for some fun.

Cooking Up A Storm

I haven't been cooking much lately, what with chickenpox hitting the house and then a house full of visitors and a birthday party last weekend, we have survived on the basics of pasta, pasta, bbqs and a bit more pasta. All very good but today we returned to 'proper' family meals.

We had a lovely dish of left over gammon in a cheesey sauce and had some gorgeous roasted vegetables with it. Very tasty and even Daniel ate some (will blog about Daniel's issues with food another day!)

We also baked some cupcakes today as Lilly wasn't at pre-school and the weather wasn't really good enough for playing in the garden. I can't believe that I have only just discovered Squires food colouring pastes. They are amazing! The cakes in the picture are coloured lilac but have 5 others to try. The colour hasn't come out great on the photos but it is so beautiful. SO much better than those supermarket food colours - I'm addicted now and can't wait to try out the other colours.

Phew

The few weeks have been a bit of a blur. Both children have had chickenpox, hubby has been incredibly busy at work and both children have had birthdays. Busy busy times.

This past weekend has been so tiring, not only had we not caught up on the sleep lost last week due to Daniel's pox, but we had Lilly's birthday party and associated stuff. The party went brilliantly, Lilly loved every moment of her special day(s). Lots of friends joined her celebration and she had a ball, she also received an incredible amount of beautiful gifts and was lucky enough to have TWO birthday cakes (one for her party and one for family on her birthday).

I cannot put into words how special Lilly is, she has changed my life, she brightens every day, she is so beautiful that sometimes it is hard to look at her without crying, and she is so very very bright, funny and kind. She also has balls and some of her mother's attitude, but I'm not holding it against her!!! We wanted this birthday to be a special one, once she is at primary school we will scale things down a little but one thing that I always want her to experience is the fun, laughter and love of having your family and friends around you, making each passing year even more special and TWO cakes can't be bad either.

I still haven't managed to get the house straightened after a few days out of routine but Danny has been a little off colour today, very weepy and clingy and is not eating either (always freaks me out, even though I know he'll come back to it when he feel ok again). Today though, I made a decision to take it easy, and enjoy every small moment of the children's day. I took pleasure in their laughter, took the time to feel every little touch , smile or tear. It was (nearly) enough to recharge my batteries. An early night tonight should complete the process and tomorrow we can get ourselves straight again.

Or if the sun shines again we might just fill the paddling pool and play in the grass.

I'm Too Safe

This poem sums up how I want to live the rest of my life..............

Warning
by Jenny Joseph

WHEN I AM AN OLD WOMAN I SHALL WEAR PURPLE
With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick the flowers in other people's gardens
And learn to spit

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

Taken from the book
When I Am An Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple

Spring Has Arrived

The past few days have been glorious. Sunshine, seeds sprouting everywhere, playing in the garden, meals outdoors - ahhhhh bring on the lemonade and bbqs.

Danny has now developed chickenpox, we knew he would but we could never has guessed how bad he would get it. He is covered and my beautiful boy has sooooo many on his face and head that I want to cry when I look at him.



This picture was taken on day 3 - today is day 4 and there are so many more. Hopefully he has peaked now and things will start to improve. Amazingly, I have managed to stay very calm and not too emotional during this bout of illness (so not like me - I usually lose it at the first sign of a sniffle). I am wondering if my healthy diet and exercise is helping my state of mind. I am feeling very calm right now - life is great. We have a calender full of things happening this summer and our holiday is just around the corner. My body is responding to the exercise and bits that I feared might be destined to be flabby forever are pulling themselves back into place - people always say that you can't get your belly flat again after a c-section (and I have had two) - I'm determined to prove that wrong though and am aiming for a girly 6 pack (you've gotta aim high!) and arms and thighs like Madonna's (not likely).

So as you see, I am on track to a healthy mind and body and with so many exciting things in the pipeline - I'm on a high.

p.s has anyone who reads this ever been on a River Cottage event or course? I love the River Cottage ethos, in my own little way I do my bit - we eat seasonally, organic where possible, dig the local farmers markets and grow a few bits in the garden. I think the day courses and events at River Cottage sound fab but I do wonder if I would be a little out of my depth surrounded by either full on hippy/earth mother types or the opposite more dreadful thought - posh ladies who have nothing better to do than go and meet that lovely Hugh fella. Thoughts and experiences would be most welcome!

Bank Holiday

In a few words.......

Fun

Sun

Exercise

Laughs

Planting

Party Planning

Holiday Shopping

Sexy Dress

Sexier Shoes

Fake Tan

Amazing Underwear

Money Spending

Laughs

Cuddles

More Chickenpox Spots

Laughs

Wine

Shocking News


That's enough for three days. Back soon..................

At Last

I really don't enjoy tv, dvds and cds made for children. Most of it is insipid, dull and it just numbs my brain so goodness knows what it is doing to the kids.

That was until I discovered They Might Be Giants. I remember them vaguely from a hit in the early nineties but they are now doing children's music and I am so glad we have been saved from the same old stuff. We have purchased Here Come The 123s and will soon be getting Here Come The ABCs. We love it more than the kids for now but they are getting into it just because we go so nuts to the tunes.

It's great - educational but it is music you can actually listen to and not have your brain freeze...

These aren't the great examples but are all I could find right now - have a listen...

Be still

Danny is having a bit of a sleep issue at the moment. No idea what is going on but I think it may be poo related, so enough of that subject for now. It's no fun being up in the night but what makes it worse is that once he has gone back to sleep and hubby is snoring next to me, my mind starts to whirl, twirl, run and jump and I just wish it would be still and I could drift back to my fantasyland and not be dwelling on this kind of stuff....

* The tulips on the table need throwing away but I still love their wilted beauty so shall I hang on to them for another day?

* Yoga or aerobics tomorrow?

* Will Lils be back at pre-school (answer NO)

* What low calorie, tasty dish can I cook up for tomorrows dinner

* Why won't Danny eat anything other than jars of baby food and yoghurts right now

* Shall I fake it (tan that is)

* What shall I put in the party bag?

* I am a genius mother getting her an Enchanted cake but just when will I get the chance to pull it all together

* Will the ironing fairy call by tonight (she didn't)

* Will this rain ever end

* Am I going to lose enough weight to wear that dress in four weeks time

* Speaking of that dress - shoes??? Arghhhh

So you see, I'm not having anything like deep meaningful thoughts, I'm not planning how to change the world but this stuff just won't stop in my mind. Go away - I need sleep.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Strange Behaviour

I have started doing something very strange recently. I go online shopping, filling my cart with hundred of pounds worth of beautiful goodies only to press the 'empty cart' button and walk away feeling 'almost' totally fulfilled.

I select Paumes Books, go designer shopping at net a porter, dream about beautiful stuff here, here and here and then forget the lot.

It's great I get the kick of shopping and the thrill of knowing that I could have had it but I chose to save my money for fun times with the kids and for something much more practical. It's the shopping version of porn I suppose and I'm addicted.

ONE

Daniel was One Year Old last week. He is growing so fast that it scares me, it's also pretty exciting though.

Not only is he totally gorgeous he is developing the most amazing personality. Like his big sister he has a great sense of fun and is quick to laugh and make all around him laugh too.

He is bold and brilliant, fun and cuddly, he smells yummy, makes ladies swoon and makes men laugh at his daring, he can say lots of words and loves his family.

WE LOVE YOU DANNY BOY - our family is complete and you are the icing on the cake. Happy Birthday.

P.s. The reason that this post is late is because Lilly has come down with chicken pox, we knew it was coming and hoped she would get a mild case - it isn't - she has it bad but as usual she is coping well even though the itch drives her to the point of insanity sometimes. She has hundreds and hundreds of spots on the inside as well as the outside - it is awful but if you are going to do something you should do it in grand style and she certainly is.

Yummy

I just had a food delivery from the lovely people at Ocado. Whilst putting away all of the yummy stuff I noticed just how beautiful some of the stuff in my cupboards is.

Take a look at these three items - perfect examples of delicious food but not only that, they are also presented in the most beautiful packaging making them a joy to handle, use, eat and enjoy. Why can't eveything be so gorgeous?

What packaging makes you happy? Take a look around today - I'm also loving the Method cleaner I use in the bathroom, the can of my Elnett hairspray and the cardboard of a Dorset Cereal packet - all these small things can really lift my day and make the mundane a little more bearable.

Is it just me?

Putting it all into perspective

I always have loads on my mind, infact it's a wonder I ever sleep as my brain is in constant motion thinking and worrying about things. Currently I am worrying about the following (this is just a small sample!!!!).....

a larger than average mastercard bill

the fact that I haven't sown my tomato seeds yet

a misunderstanding with a friend

that I still haven't finalised outfits for a wedding in two weeks time

packing for the trip to the wedding

library books need returning

the possibility of chicken pox

a children's party to plan

the list is actually endless and then I read one of my favourite blogs and realised just how ridiculous all this is. I found this blog when Lilly was a baby, her oldest girl is the same age and I found comfort in the fact that she was expereincing similar things to me. Since then she has moved to Uganda with her husband who is an aid worker and reading this post this morning made me think just how crazy I am to worry about the stuff I do. If you want to take a look clicky here!!!!

I love it

My taste, in most things, isn't mainstream. I don't run with the crowd. Even though I look 'average', I feel distinctly 'different'. I love a good freak and Boy George is my favourite 'freak' of all. I can't tell you how much I would have loved to have been at this gig - it is just my thing and even though the sound is terrible on this clip - I can tell the atmosphere in the place was just as you would expect at an intimate gig with George - cool, relaxed, fun and ultimately fab. Heaven - to me!

Go On Take A Peek

I posted back in February that decorating and spring cleaning were on the cards. Well, we have made a start and I thought I would share a few pics of my favourite bits of my house with you.

This is our newly red and white lounge. It feels lovely, spacious and clean.



This is our new family motto! To be chanted daily!!!!



This is a peek into our bedroom - how colourful, how Cath Kidston, how much do I love it - LOADS!



This is our new family room - I love it in here. We often sit in here to chat, read and to chill out with Dennis (our fish)



Finally (for now) here is a couple of shots of our newly spring cleaned kitchen..



This corner is especially important - radio and coffee machine - two essentials for every day!!!



That's it for now. Still some rooms to do - children's rooms both need some attention and then the conservatory and then the big one - the garden, which needs lots and lots of TLC. Keep popping by for more pics as we work our way through the house. x

Bags of Fun

Tonight I put my Christmas pressie (sewing machine) and birthday pressies (sewing book and gorgeous Cath Kidston fabrics) to good use and made myself a tote bag.

I made a few errors along the way but generally I am very chuffed indeed. I will be using it on my next shopping trip - let's hope it can hold up to the job.

Happy Easter

I won't be around for a few days. Too busy stuffing myself silly with chocolate eggs - back next week after a rest with renewed vigour and a larger waist.

Beautiful Book

This gorgeous book is a part of my Birthday gifts. It is a visually stunning book, it is about one of my favourite subjects (home and family) and is just lovely in every way. It even smells good, do you know what I mean? It isn't a glossy book - the pages have that wonderful 'booky' smell an d I just can't wait to sit down with a glass of wine and devour its pages.

Part of the introduction describes the book like this......

"Our home life can have a huge impact on who we are; as adults it affects our daily lives and moods, and for children it influences the kind of people they will become."

If that speaks to you - go buy this book - it's dreamy.

The Luckiest Woman Alive

Well, today is my birthday. It's not something that I was looking forward to particularly as I am approaching THE BIG ONE at high speed now and it is just not funny.

Although, I did have the loveliest day ever today. Firstly I spent two hours in bed with my gorgeous family. I was smothered with kisses, jumped on, cuddled, dribbled on and given fabulous gifts. The perfect morning.

I then received more phone calls and text messages than I though possible and the lovely man from Ocado arrived with my croissants.

After a very lovely morning of hanging out in my pjs and getting a visit from my sis in law, we went out for lunch.

The kids were fab as usual (although Danny boy is getting rather vocal for posh venues - luckily we were having pizza!)

After a spot of shopping we came home to chill. A constant procession of friends and family arrived all afternoon, which was lovely. I received so many gorgeous gifts and am just overwhelmed by how fab my mates are. Several of them had made a super special effort to seek out my most favourite things and I feel so lucky to have these wonderful women as my friends.

The children are now in bed and I am about to look at some beautiful books that I received today, I have drunk far too wine today and eaten more food than is decent but hey it's my birthday and old birds like me deserve a treat.

To all my lovely friends and family - thank you - I love you all and feel truly blessed to have you in my life! Cheers!!!!

Pretty

It is my birthday very soon and although I don't get very excited these days (stopped counting them 8 years ago!), I have taken the opportunity to buy a few special things for myself recently.

A huge pile of beautiful books should be arriving at the door next week, a very lovely parcel from a local contemporay home accessory shop should also be with me early next week but today Mr Postie brought me these lovelies. Apparently they are 1950's Dutch coffee cups but all I know is that they are very lovely, make me feel all spring like and make me want to find uses for them.

I love beautiful things and am very lucky to be surrounded by gorgeousness every day. What more could I ask for?

Spring Cleaning Fever

It's official. Spring Cleaning is beginning. My housekeeping box is stocked and ready to follow me everywhere as I get into all those nooks and crannies. It's lovely. I love how a room feels after a good spring clean, It almost sparkles and gleams at you.

My Spring Cleaning follows quite a long drawn out process and will take me several weeks to complete but as they say if a job's worth doing it's worth doing well.

I have started with de-cluttering. Approx 6 bin bags of stuff have already left the house to various charity shops and recycling centres and there is still more to clear. This is such an important step - you can't clean properly if there is clutter.

Then each room needs to cleaned in a methodical manner starting at the ceiling and ending with floorboards.

All cupboards will be emptied and restocked, discarding along the way.

I will be starting the BIG CLEAN next week and will put my step by step process on here as I go. C'mon clean along with me!!! I don't want to be alone and we can be all smug together in a months time when our houses gleam and wink at us.

But first...... more decluttering. I still have several rooms to do - children's rooms and half of the conservatory and then I'll be ready to start. Crack out the rubber gloves we're going in...............

EDIT - I am working on a new blogging project which will appear soon, therefore the spring cleaning plan won't appear here as there will be a new home for that kind of thing. IF you still want to clean along with me - message me and I can email my daily plan direct to you.

Friends

Just two quotes for now.........

Friends are like stars - You don't always see them but you know they are there

Friends are like bras - close to your heart and always there for support.

Take your pick.

That is all.

I'm having a think

I am reading a lovely book called Tuesday with Morrie. It is the kind of book that makes you want to change things in your life and see what is important a little more clearly.

This quote from the book kind of sums stuff up ....

"So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half asleep, even when they are busy doing things they think are important. This is because they're chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning."

This is so true and also so sad that there are so many lonely people living in our community, people who think they are living a great life but in actual fact are pretty empty. Money seems to be king for so many people and I wonder where they would be if the house, the car and the salary disappeared overnight.

If they don't have anything else, anything bigger, anything deeper to give them faith, love and hope then really they have nothing.

Recently, I have been bleating on about how tired I am and how hard I have been finding having two children. I have now gotten over myself and have reassessed lots of things in my life.

I really am taking stock - the book I mentioned above is basically the words of wisdom of an old man who is about to die (I know it doesn't sound like a right riveting read - but believe me it's great). His advice to a young man is to take a long look at yourself and your life and if today was your last day on earth - how would you feel about that?

Would you check your emails instead of playing with your baby? Would you take that phone call from work rather than finger paint with your toddler? Would you spend time wallowing in celebrity news rather than asking your neighbour how they are today? are you doing what is right?and do you now realise what the most important thing in life is - LOVE.

Eggcellent

As I have been saying, things have taken a real turn around these parts recently. Not only am I rediscovering the joys of homecooking and am taking my housework to a new level of bliss but I have recently started being a bit crafty too.

Not only have I been making decorations, teaching myself some crochet, and taking part in some international gift swapping (I am currently buying gifts for a buddhist, vegan man in Brazil - no joke!!!!) I have also been trying to learn how to sew. I am not at all talented at this kind of thing but I am so interested in teaching myself new skills. Yesterday I completed my very first items. The pictured egg cosies above. Now, I know they are a little big and a little wonky but they do look so cute when all lined up together and our Easter breakfast table will look lovely with them keeping our eggs warm. I showed them to Lilly this morning and she kissed me and said "thank you for making those Mummy". I feel very proud of myself and things can only improve with practice.

I'll be opening my own cottage business before you know it - anyone want a dress running up?

It's all about ME!!!!!

By it's very nature blogging is very self centred - but today I really have been thinking about ME.

Two things happened today that made me think about myself.

Firstly I bumped into an old friend, I worked with her more than 10 years ago (we also did a far bit of partying). It was a real surprise to see her locally as the last time I saw her was in Slough. I worked with her for a relatively short amount of time (about 2 years) but during that time we knew so much about each other - we shared our lives, we worked hard together and we played hard together and we shared stuff. You know, we talked about our families, our feelings, our relationships.

Later I was talking to another friend who I have known for about 4 years and talking to her I realised that we share very little. Yes we are friends, yes we talk, but during our conversation I became aware that she knew nothing about me really. Nothing about my deepest feelings, nothing about my past. She made a comment about her being defined by her career and that she wasn't really a homebody like me. At this point I realised that I have never spoken AT ALL about my previous professional life to any of my recently made friends.

Why is this? Why is it that I used to share so much of myself with my friends (and still do with those same people) but my recently made friends know nothing much about what makes me tick?

What is it that holds me back? Or is it that my newer relationships are based on something different and I don't feel the need to open my heart.

If you think you are one of the people mentioned above - and you are now worried that we have shared too much or too little - don't worry that's not what this post is about. I have no desire to start bleating on about past achievements. What intrigues me is why I am so different now. Why is it that all that people now know of me is my children. Is that who I am now? Have I stopped sharing of myself because all I am is my children - I don't think so, I am sure I am still the same person I was - with just as much to give to a friendship.

I need to look deep inside myself and maybe I need to tweak a few things.

Blimey, It really is all about meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

I'm a Mum!!!

I said I'm a Mum - I'm a Mum of two.

How can it be?

This is me.

I am the girl who once said that her dream job was a 'pole dancer' and that's nothing to do with getting my groove on in Poland. I'm the girl who would be at every party and always be the last to leave - that was me!

I am the girl who lived in an area that saw me at the wrong end of a gun and had almost daily threats of violence aimed at me.

I am the girl who grew up a little and decided she wanted to start a family and whose baby didn't come along as planned.

I am the girl who went through ten years of heartache and thinking I would never be called Mummy.

I am now a different person, I live in a beautiful area in a beautiful home with my lovely hubby and my TWO children. I am a housewife and am living the life that I always wanted.

I am so lucky and today I am so very grateful to HIM for my family and the happiness they have brought into my life.

Oh, and by the way - there is still a bit of me that would LOVE to pole dance.

Happy Days

Danny Boy is still ill, poor little thing looks terrible but is actually quite bright on himself and had another great nights sleep despite coughing his way though it.

The kids and I took a walk in the sunshine today (to the chemist to pick up drops for his gunked up eyes) and it was lovely. Nature is bursting into life everywhere. On our walk we collect some sticks which we cam home and painted white. We then got busy finding sping/easter items to dangle from the twigs. We are going to add lots more things during the coming weeks.

It was a lovely thing to do and the result is lovely and keeps making me smile everytime I walk into the room. Lilly loves the chicks around the base best and is calling them her friends (!)

So although things are yucky with a sick boy and miles of snot streaming from his nose and gallons of gunk pouring from his bloodshot eyes, I have actually maintained a sunny dispostion. How could you not on such a beautiful day? From where I am sat right now I can see my little girl playing Barbie, a vase full of tulips, washing blowing on the line, a tree full of pink blossom and our Easter 'tree' - fab! Days like this are good.

Spring, Bounce and Loadsa Snot

My poor baby is in a bad way. He has a stinking cold, is full of snot which is making him be sick, is teething like a demon and has conjunctivitis. He has also taken a couple of tumbles and has two bumps on his head. Poor little monkey. He is very emotional and clingy but also the freaky thing is he slept ALL NIGHT LONG for the first time ever. Not so sure tonight will be so pleasant though.

Whilst he took a nice two hour nap yesterday afternoon, I decided to start my spring cleaning with gusto. Wow - I only worked for about an hour but managed to fill enough bin bags to fill the boot of the car. My parents have just taken it all away to the recycling centre - so the house is taking a sigh of relief as it breathes a little easier.

I am about to attack another room right now and have an action plan ready for March. This is all part of my new 'clean start'. If you know me you know how much I love my home but I really feel it needs a little love and attention to bring it back to it's full glory and that is what I am about to do.

I will post some pictures of each room during March as they are completed to show just how shiny everything is.

Gotta dash - there's a cupboard that needs straightening!!!!!

I LOVE lists

How I love this cute little card organiser application. It is just the geeky kind of thing that makes my day - see it doesn't take much to please me.

Look at the things on it though - how homespun, how housewifely, how lovely.

I have been through a bit of an emotional time of late, battling and trying to share myself between a boy who wants to find trouble, a girl who craves her mummy's attention and a desire to be the 'perfect' housewife. I think have sorted all these issues now and am tackling things from a new angle - lets hope it works.

You see I love being a Homemaker. It brings me joy.

I don't spend my time dreaming up new ways to 'make house' because I think I should, I do it because it's something that I love and want to do well, for me and for my family.

I don't want to offend anyone when I say this but I don't care if people think what I do is right or wrong, worthwhile or purely old fashioned, it really doesn't matter to me because I know that what I do actually enables me to work toward being who I want to be and how I want my family to be.

Lists are a big part of this life and just seeing all those gorgeous homey things to do makes me realise how happy and lucky I am to be doing exactly what I should be doing and although at present things aren't picture book perfect - I am enjoying working towards it.

Ok ok ok

I feel a complete wreck. My body is not exactly in peak condition, I think having babies in your thirties is tough on a body which is not quite as firm and supple as it once was.

I sometimes feel myself moaning about my back, my feet, my neck and I bore myself - I don't want to feel like this anymore.

SO that's it as of this minute I am on a training program. I will be wearing shorts on holiday *gulp* that is only 4 months away. Ok I mean business - I WILL work out three times a week and mini eggs are now banned.

Look out there is a six pack waiting to burst out. I'm off for a glass of water and a handful of vitamins - bring it on.

To all my friends and family who read this blog - PLEASE help me. If you see me stray remind me of Davina McCalls abs and she has had three kids and is older than me - I can do this, just keep me away from all the good stuff until I get this old body under control.

A Walk In The Park

Today the kids and I took a walk and do you know what I realised - life is getting easier and every day is now enjoyable and fun rather than just 12 hours that we have to reach the end of. It is no longer a trial getting out of the house, our routines run like clockwork (well a clock that loses a few minutes occasionally) and I seem to have a handle on keeping some kind of balance to the day.

D Boy is now crawling and I remember that this was the point that I REALLY started to enjoy the Princess. Instead of just crying for you they can come and find you and instead of waiting for entertainment they go find it. Constantly. It's great fun and I love hearing the little patter of him crawling into the kitchen to wave 'hi' and suck on a plastic spoon.

I have just been watching a documentary about Jackie Clune and her 4 kids and I am pleased to say I am counting my blessings and filled with admiration for her and her partner. Can you imagine having a 2 year old AND triplets. Amazing.

I love Jackie anyway, she is a really clever, talented woman if you haven't ever seen or heard her you should - we were lucky enough to see her in Taboo in the west end and she blew me away, but the way her and her partner cope with their kids is inspirational and make me realise just how darn easy my life actually is.

Cabbage leaves, rain and cappuccinos

It is pouring today but I have had a lovely day so far.

Two friends have unexpectedly called by for a coffee and a bit of a natter. The boy is doing great - he no longer breastfeeds and although yesterday I was in agony, today the pain seems a little better (thank goodness for hubby's mercy dash at 9pm for a cabbage). He is drinking his milk from a cup and eating like a horse - he is growing visibly by the day (a little like those chickens Jamie and Hugh showed us last week)and is growing up fast *sobs*

The princess is great and again is growing daily, I left her and her friend playing computer at pre-school today. They looked so grown up and happy together *sigh*


During a very interesting conversation, a friend just described George Clooney as a cappuccino and I have to agree, he does look just like one. I could quite do with a caffeine fix right now! Strange really as I don't really 'go' for handsome men. My usual taste in men runs to wild men, drag queens, rockers and freaks but maybe I am growing more demure in my old age. Nah - Russell Brand still rocks my world.

Anyhow, it's been a very nice morning and I also have visitors this afternoon so I had better go and get the coffee on.

Breast Get It Over With

My baby no longer wants to breastfeed, not sure why - teeth? the pain killers I am on? Who knows!

This morning though he drained a cup full of formula milk, not sure if that was because of extreme thirst (he only had 2ozs before bed the previous night) or if he is telling us that he no longers requires my boobs.

So, we're on the cusp stopping the breastfeeding completely. If bedtime is a success tonight (in about 15 mins time) that will be it - no more breast milk - if he refuses the formula then who knows.....

Dan's world is expanding, and mine is shrinking.

I am very sad that this part of our relationship is coming to an end. It signifies that my baby is growing up very fast.

I adore breastfeeding, I love the primal physicality of growing a life and nurturing it, of nourishing my child and make him strong. I love that there is something that I can do for my child that NO-ONE else can do, I love the closeness and the bond it has created between us.

It is such a privilege, for which I will always be grateful. I will have no more children and so will never experience this again.

I will cherish this special time that I have shared with my children and remember the feeling for the rest of my life.

New Year

These beautiful tulips were bought for us by friends and make me smile all day long - they promise that Spring is on it's way. It seems an awful long way off, especially with the rain pelting against the window as I type.

I don't know if it is the new year or the thought of the spring but I am itching to redecorate. Paint, colours, fabrics and flowers are filling my mind. I feel like a change of style - nothing major just some new colours and touches. I'm feeling like a fresh start. Mmmmmm ideas are whizzing around but for today the tulips will do.