Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Use Sun Protection Cream
Let this be a warning to all of you sun worshippers. It's obvious what the little boy thinks of this suntanned 'beauty'!!!!
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Bad Morning
Unfortunately, Princess L is waking earlier and earlier and today was jumping around at 5.30am. I left her doing somersaults for a while but eventually decided to go and see if she was ok. I went in to her room armed with a cup of water and a steely determination not to speak to her (so that she would think that it was still night - we don't speak at night!!!). This didn't work. She did swig back a few gulps of water but then decided that I would read her a book, at this point I knew that that was it and my bed would go cold.
I have now done my housework, been to Tesco, had a Starbucks, played 'jumping' and prepared the evening meal - it's 9.30!!!!!!!
I have now done my housework, been to Tesco, had a Starbucks, played 'jumping' and prepared the evening meal - it's 9.30!!!!!!!
Thursday, June 23, 2005
I Am Not Alone
I have just been reading some blogs written by other women who have been through IVF or other forms of fertility treatment and guilt seems to be a common emotion. We are all trying (and mostly failing) to me everything to everyone. The perfect mother, the perfect wife, housekeeper and friend. I am only just beginning to realise that with a baby this simply isn't possible.
Life is fabulous now and my little princess is a joy to me but I found the first 6 months of her life very difficult and struggled to get through each day. I sometimes feel that because we had such a long wait for her that people think that somehow it isn't so difficult to cope with our if it is, that I shouldn't moan.
Women who are mothers after infertility are just as entitled as anyone else to find it all too much sometimes.
I feel like I should be better equipped to handle it when the Princess is difficult to please or that she won't allow me to clean the house or do the ironing. I feel that infertility should have magically given me unending patience, a constant mindfulness of our good fortune, an unwavering gratitude — in short, an ability to do this job (which I have longed for) as well as I have done every other job in my life and to be happy doing it.
But it hasn't, and it kills me.
I struggle to be the parent she deserves. Is it no more than the same guilt every mother feels? I don't know, but I do believe infertile mothers put enormous pressure on ourselves not only to be fantastic parents, but to love or at least appreciate every minute of it. It's hard to remember this when you are bogged down with the fact that you are unable to make a gourmet feast for each meal let alone clean your windows.
We do it because we know how difficult it was to become mothers at all, and we do it because of every unthinking person we speak to reminds us, "Well, it's what you wanted"
We couldn't enjoy — could barely endure — conception. For us, pregnancy was a time of white-knuckled fear instead of teddy buying fun.
And that's why we should try to liberate ourselves from that special kind of guilt we carry around. We couldn't be normal before, but now, as we feel frustrated or exhausted, as we find ourselves only half as competent as we thought we'd be, we are finally perfectly normal.
I wish I could say that being infertile prepared me in a special way for the everyday challenges of being a parent. No such luck. In the end, the struggle hasn't made me perfect. It hasn't made me anything but a Mother.
Life is fabulous now and my little princess is a joy to me but I found the first 6 months of her life very difficult and struggled to get through each day. I sometimes feel that because we had such a long wait for her that people think that somehow it isn't so difficult to cope with our if it is, that I shouldn't moan.
Women who are mothers after infertility are just as entitled as anyone else to find it all too much sometimes.
I feel like I should be better equipped to handle it when the Princess is difficult to please or that she won't allow me to clean the house or do the ironing. I feel that infertility should have magically given me unending patience, a constant mindfulness of our good fortune, an unwavering gratitude — in short, an ability to do this job (which I have longed for) as well as I have done every other job in my life and to be happy doing it.
But it hasn't, and it kills me.
I struggle to be the parent she deserves. Is it no more than the same guilt every mother feels? I don't know, but I do believe infertile mothers put enormous pressure on ourselves not only to be fantastic parents, but to love or at least appreciate every minute of it. It's hard to remember this when you are bogged down with the fact that you are unable to make a gourmet feast for each meal let alone clean your windows.
We do it because we know how difficult it was to become mothers at all, and we do it because of every unthinking person we speak to reminds us, "Well, it's what you wanted"
We couldn't enjoy — could barely endure — conception. For us, pregnancy was a time of white-knuckled fear instead of teddy buying fun.
And that's why we should try to liberate ourselves from that special kind of guilt we carry around. We couldn't be normal before, but now, as we feel frustrated or exhausted, as we find ourselves only half as competent as we thought we'd be, we are finally perfectly normal.
I wish I could say that being infertile prepared me in a special way for the everyday challenges of being a parent. No such luck. In the end, the struggle hasn't made me perfect. It hasn't made me anything but a Mother.
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Today was MMR day.........
We spent a lovely morning/lunch with friends and then at 3pm we had the dreaded MMR. It went as expected. Very loud screams and lots of tears, but the nurse provided a chocolate button which helped just a little bit. She then fell asleep as soon as we got home. We now have to wait to see if (what do I mean 'if'?) we have any reactions. These should show themselves in about 10 days to 3 weeks.
Of course I will be checking that she is still developing and making eye conatct like the obsessive that I am. I wish I could be more laid back about it but this is my beautiful baby girl and I would never forgive myself if 'the worst' did happen. I know all the facts and I even had a chat with the doctor today to try to help with our fears. Intellectually I know that the chances are minimal but still.........
Of course I will be checking that she is still developing and making eye conatct like the obsessive that I am. I wish I could be more laid back about it but this is my beautiful baby girl and I would never forgive myself if 'the worst' did happen. I know all the facts and I even had a chat with the doctor today to try to help with our fears. Intellectually I know that the chances are minimal but still.........
Monday, June 20, 2005
Feeling Hot Hot Hot
Wow - the past few days have been scorching - who needs the Med?
We have been having lots of fun with family and friends and have spent lots of time in our newly jazzed up garden. This is what it's all about!!!
Sadly today we also found out that we have had a death in the family, so this has put a little cloud over us. It many ways it is a release that she has passed but knowing that still doesn't help those that are feeling very sad and will miss her tremendously. I am sure she knows how much we all love her.
We have been having lots of fun with family and friends and have spent lots of time in our newly jazzed up garden. This is what it's all about!!!
Sadly today we also found out that we have had a death in the family, so this has put a little cloud over us. It many ways it is a release that she has passed but knowing that still doesn't help those that are feeling very sad and will miss her tremendously. I am sure she knows how much we all love her.
Thursday, June 16, 2005
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
I Am Back
Not really much to report, hence lack of blogage. We had a fabulous weekend of parties for the babies, and Little Miss L had a fantastic time - she even conquered her fear of grass. There is no holding her back now.
We are all feeling very yuck and sorry for ourselves. Princess L has the most runny nose I have ever seen in my life and both Mr M and myself have developed sore throats and are feeling generally very grim. It doesn't help that we are both incredibly tired and missing spending a bit of time together - all together now -ahhhhh.
On a cheerier note, we have some new cutlery and it is soooo very beautiful and shiny. It makes me happy just looking at it - does that make me very very sad?
One week to MMR and I am becoming more crazed by the minute - I wish I could fast forward a month so that it was all over and we can move on. The more research I do on the subject, the less confident I feel.
We are all feeling very yuck and sorry for ourselves. Princess L has the most runny nose I have ever seen in my life and both Mr M and myself have developed sore throats and are feeling generally very grim. It doesn't help that we are both incredibly tired and missing spending a bit of time together - all together now -ahhhhh.
On a cheerier note, we have some new cutlery and it is soooo very beautiful and shiny. It makes me happy just looking at it - does that make me very very sad?
One week to MMR and I am becoming more crazed by the minute - I wish I could fast forward a month so that it was all over and we can move on. The more research I do on the subject, the less confident I feel.
Friday, June 10, 2005
Things I Like
My pink sparkly flip flops
Pinot Grigio
Pedicures
Sunshine
Cuddles with the Princess
Lip Gloss
Olives
My Hubby
Good friends
Happily my weekend will consist of all of these elements.
Pinot Grigio
Pedicures
Sunshine
Cuddles with the Princess
Lip Gloss
Olives
My Hubby
Good friends
Happily my weekend will consist of all of these elements.
Thursday, June 09, 2005
Something Else To Worry About
Just when things were going well, we get our date for the Princess' MMR jab.
It's in less than two weeks so I have plenty of time to obsess.
If the autism and IBD weren't enough to be thinking about I am also very concerned about the after effects. The reaction shows up at 10 days to 2 weeks after the vaccination, so enough time for me to buy Boots out of Calpol.
When will I ever be worry free again?, oh yeah that's right - NEVER!!!!!
It's in less than two weeks so I have plenty of time to obsess.
If the autism and IBD weren't enough to be thinking about I am also very concerned about the after effects. The reaction shows up at 10 days to 2 weeks after the vaccination, so enough time for me to buy Boots out of Calpol.
When will I ever be worry free again?, oh yeah that's right - NEVER!!!!!
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
Sunday, June 05, 2005
Top Class Weekend
Friday night - Had far too much wine to drink with a great bunch of girls in our local, we then continued the fun at one friends house and stayed up far later than I have in long while - it was a hoot.
Saturday - Two nurofen followed by a haircut and coffee at our usual haunt. The afternoon was filled with shopping and was followed by an early night to make up for the hours lost Friday.
Sunday - Very lazy morning. I missed church due to the fact that Princess L wasn't up until 9.30 and so we only had 20 minutes to fit in breakfast, showers and getting three of us dressed. This is simply not possible and Mr M had to go on his tod. We then went out for lunch with friends which was very lovely as both the company and the food were fab.
It is now 8pm and Princess L is having a fantastic time chatting to her teddy bears and is showing no signs of falling to sleep anytime soon. The rest of the evening (when Lady L falls to sleep) will consist of wine, nibbles, George Clooney and Brad Pitt - heaven!
Saturday - Two nurofen followed by a haircut and coffee at our usual haunt. The afternoon was filled with shopping and was followed by an early night to make up for the hours lost Friday.
Sunday - Very lazy morning. I missed church due to the fact that Princess L wasn't up until 9.30 and so we only had 20 minutes to fit in breakfast, showers and getting three of us dressed. This is simply not possible and Mr M had to go on his tod. We then went out for lunch with friends which was very lovely as both the company and the food were fab.
It is now 8pm and Princess L is having a fantastic time chatting to her teddy bears and is showing no signs of falling to sleep anytime soon. The rest of the evening (when Lady L falls to sleep) will consist of wine, nibbles, George Clooney and Brad Pitt - heaven!
Thursday, June 02, 2005
I Did Battle And Won
If you know me, you know how scared I am of bees and wasps (or basically anything that flies), so you can imagine how I was when this hornet flew into my conservatory the other day. It was massive and very very loud.
The beast was making no attempt to fly back out of the open windows so drastic action was required.
We didn't have any wasp killing spray in the house (how did that happen?) so I had to use foaming ant killer - it worked!!!!! Here is the evidence.
Sorry if the death of this creature upsets you but it was either him or me and as I am (slightly) bigger it was me who won.
Things Are A Changing
Princess L has added a few more 'words' to her vocabulary. First is 'te' which means teddy, 'ba' means baby and the most frequently used one at the moment is 'da' which means 'what is that Mummy?'. It might not sound much to you but it is a hge leap for us.
The other news in L Land is that she is signed up to start football lessons - honest, she really is!!!!!
In my world, get rid of Craig!!!!
The other news in L Land is that she is signed up to start football lessons - honest, she really is!!!!!
In my world, get rid of Craig!!!!
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