?

Goodbye

I started blogging in 2004. I've switched sites a couple of times and stopped all together a couple of times, but this really is the end.

I want to live my life differently. The internet has it's uses but sucking up my life isn't a great use. I have become reliant on many aspects of the www but really it gives me very little and takes my valuable time.

I have 'met' people who are giving, thoughtful,sincere and great fun through my blog and I hope to continue those relationships in a slightly different way.

But the blogging, it has to go. I'm going to live a richer life, one that I have been wishing for, but hadn't worked out how to achieve. I am figuring it out now and the answer lies within myself. That slow life that I have been bleating on about, there is no room in it for blogging.

I want to learn more about who I am now, as a Mum, a wife, and a woman.

We already live quite a simple life compared to many - we only have one car, we have no debts,we survive on one modest salary, we believe time is more valuable than posessions, but I want to take this to another level and am hoping that it will make us even wealthier in that most valuable of commodities - happiness.

So this is it - farewell I am happily departing. I'll see you all around. Enjoy your lives and take care of yourselves and your families. There's nothing more important.

Cupcakes?

I do tend to use the name cupcakes for the little buns we bake, almost weekly. It's such an Americanism though, and I am re-training myself to use the term I grew up using - Fairy cakes. So much more fitting, especially this weeks effort (see above in the title bar) - They are iced using another of my new food colours - this one is named Fuchsia and is just that (again the photo hasn't captured the true colour). They might not be 'perfect' but I totally think that they deserve the name fairy cakes. We have friends visiting this afternoon and more tomorrow, so I don't suppose they will last much more than 24 hours but whilst they are here, they certainly add a little fairy magic to the table!

Gratitude

After my last post I received several emails from people who understand my current mood. Ladies who I respect and who's friendship is invaluable (even though one of you I have never met!)

Once again I feel humbled to know such great women (and it's not just because you agree with me! lol).

I have met so many amazing women recently and blogging is a part of that, so that is the reason that I continue to blog -in answer to C's question.

I am starting a gratitude journal to take stock of my life and to help the process mentioned in the last post, ie living a slower and a more present life. This will be a private and hand written journal. Something that I hope for my children to read in years to come. Another way of showing them my love for them, for life and for what is and was important to me.

To kick it off I thought I would share today's 'Things to be grateful for'

* My children
* My husband, who expects nothing from me and appreciates everything I do
* My home and the fact that we have a lovely garden in which the children played all afternoon
* That we live in a beautiful area, surrounded by trees and grass
* For a community where even a trip to the supermarket ends up in a chat with friends, play for the children and meeting new and lovely people
* For being able to afford good food and being able to eat together as a family outside in the sunshine
* For my health - tomorrow I have to spend a portion of the day in hospital, having blood tests and xrays but none of it is major and will be sorted out swiftly

Not bad for a 'boring' old Wednesday. In fact when I look back at every little thing we have done today, it has been amazing. To see Lilly playing with ants (I know a little odd), watering her growing vegetables and playing with other children, to see Daniel playing in sand for the first time, to see the pleasure he got from 'writing' with chalk and to see them giggle together - well today has been the best day yet and just think - tomorrow will be even better!

Housekeeping

I have been very busy doing some housekeeping recently. Not only have I done some Spring cleaning, restocked the freezer with home-cooked yummy meals and cleared out our closets.

I have also been doing some other housekeeping, clearing mind clutter and getting rid of stuff in my life that has been holding me back. I have deleted websites from my 'favourites' list that I have been visiting daily out of habit and not because they were particularly useful, interesting or worthy.

The same goes for people, don't get me wrong I'm not about to 'delete' anyone! but I have decided to spend more time pursuing friendships that give me something and less time worrying about those people who suck the very life force from me. You know the type - they are only happy if you are talking about them and really don't give a stuff about you, your life, your family and your dreams.

We are going on holiday soon, you know how it is when you are on holiday - you say to each other "we should always live like this, simplify our lives, stop watching telly and take time to smell the roses and enjoy the wine". Then you come home from holiday, live like that for a week or two and then slowly drift back to old habits, but I really feel ready for some changes in my life. I want to breathe, take time, enjoy my home, family and friends more and concern my life less with irrelevancies.

I am trying to live a simple and slow life. Those four words capture the things I value. To be present in my life. To be driven by the things that I find truly important. To do things I find pleasure in and be with people who make me laugh and smile. To have the strength to follow my heart. To work hard and to be humbled by little things. To feel valuable in what I do. To really treasure each moment in life.

Clearing the cobwebs is good for the soul, and now I feel happier, lighter and ready for some fun.

Cooking Up A Storm

I haven't been cooking much lately, what with chickenpox hitting the house and then a house full of visitors and a birthday party last weekend, we have survived on the basics of pasta, pasta, bbqs and a bit more pasta. All very good but today we returned to 'proper' family meals.

We had a lovely dish of left over gammon in a cheesey sauce and had some gorgeous roasted vegetables with it. Very tasty and even Daniel ate some (will blog about Daniel's issues with food another day!)

We also baked some cupcakes today as Lilly wasn't at pre-school and the weather wasn't really good enough for playing in the garden. I can't believe that I have only just discovered Squires food colouring pastes. They are amazing! The cakes in the picture are coloured lilac but have 5 others to try. The colour hasn't come out great on the photos but it is so beautiful. SO much better than those supermarket food colours - I'm addicted now and can't wait to try out the other colours.

Phew

The few weeks have been a bit of a blur. Both children have had chickenpox, hubby has been incredibly busy at work and both children have had birthdays. Busy busy times.

This past weekend has been so tiring, not only had we not caught up on the sleep lost last week due to Daniel's pox, but we had Lilly's birthday party and associated stuff. The party went brilliantly, Lilly loved every moment of her special day(s). Lots of friends joined her celebration and she had a ball, she also received an incredible amount of beautiful gifts and was lucky enough to have TWO birthday cakes (one for her party and one for family on her birthday).

I cannot put into words how special Lilly is, she has changed my life, she brightens every day, she is so beautiful that sometimes it is hard to look at her without crying, and she is so very very bright, funny and kind. She also has balls and some of her mother's attitude, but I'm not holding it against her!!! We wanted this birthday to be a special one, once she is at primary school we will scale things down a little but one thing that I always want her to experience is the fun, laughter and love of having your family and friends around you, making each passing year even more special and TWO cakes can't be bad either.

I still haven't managed to get the house straightened after a few days out of routine but Danny has been a little off colour today, very weepy and clingy and is not eating either (always freaks me out, even though I know he'll come back to it when he feel ok again). Today though, I made a decision to take it easy, and enjoy every small moment of the children's day. I took pleasure in their laughter, took the time to feel every little touch , smile or tear. It was (nearly) enough to recharge my batteries. An early night tonight should complete the process and tomorrow we can get ourselves straight again.

Or if the sun shines again we might just fill the paddling pool and play in the grass.

I'm Too Safe

This poem sums up how I want to live the rest of my life..............

Warning
by Jenny Joseph

WHEN I AM AN OLD WOMAN I SHALL WEAR PURPLE
With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick the flowers in other people's gardens
And learn to spit

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

Taken from the book
When I Am An Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple

Spring Has Arrived

The past few days have been glorious. Sunshine, seeds sprouting everywhere, playing in the garden, meals outdoors - ahhhhh bring on the lemonade and bbqs.

Danny has now developed chickenpox, we knew he would but we could never has guessed how bad he would get it. He is covered and my beautiful boy has sooooo many on his face and head that I want to cry when I look at him.



This picture was taken on day 3 - today is day 4 and there are so many more. Hopefully he has peaked now and things will start to improve. Amazingly, I have managed to stay very calm and not too emotional during this bout of illness (so not like me - I usually lose it at the first sign of a sniffle). I am wondering if my healthy diet and exercise is helping my state of mind. I am feeling very calm right now - life is great. We have a calender full of things happening this summer and our holiday is just around the corner. My body is responding to the exercise and bits that I feared might be destined to be flabby forever are pulling themselves back into place - people always say that you can't get your belly flat again after a c-section (and I have had two) - I'm determined to prove that wrong though and am aiming for a girly 6 pack (you've gotta aim high!) and arms and thighs like Madonna's (not likely).

So as you see, I am on track to a healthy mind and body and with so many exciting things in the pipeline - I'm on a high.

p.s has anyone who reads this ever been on a River Cottage event or course? I love the River Cottage ethos, in my own little way I do my bit - we eat seasonally, organic where possible, dig the local farmers markets and grow a few bits in the garden. I think the day courses and events at River Cottage sound fab but I do wonder if I would be a little out of my depth surrounded by either full on hippy/earth mother types or the opposite more dreadful thought - posh ladies who have nothing better to do than go and meet that lovely Hugh fella. Thoughts and experiences would be most welcome!