So, how was it for you?

We have had a lovely time, after weeks of planning, cooking, buying, wrapping and decorating - everything happened and went beautifully. New traditions were started, much food was eaten, Santa brought all the perfect toys and we were with family and friends - perfect. Apart from the kids being crook but hey you can't have it all.

We are so lucky to receive all the gifts we did but where are we going to put all this new stuff! Our house is modest but not tiny but it's not a tardis either and something will have to give if we are to fit it all in. Three bin bags of toys have already made their way to a charity shop and there will be more to follow.

I love Christmas decorations, candles and glitz.

But now that Christmas is over, it just looks like clutter and is just something else to dust. I am craving clear empty surfaces.

Aaah, the scent of Christmas candles!

But the smell is making me nauseous, we had one lit all afternoon today and I am offically sick of the smell of spices, pine and gingerbread. I'm looking to Spring and the smell of clean washing, fresh from the line, of daffodils and the fragrance of cold winter walks on my babies' cheeks.

I am craving space and cleanliness, I am craving a fresh start, the New Year and all the good stuff it will bring.

We still have too much food in the house, friends came over today and helped make a small dent in the food mountain but we still have to plough through tons more. I feel like I might burst and all I desire now is fresh fruit, fresh veg and gallons of water.

I can't bring myself to throw good food away, so looks like Tony's work colleagues will be getting a whole lot of chocolate some time soon.

Tomorrow is New Years Eve. Bring it on I say - I'm ready for you and am very excited at the prospect of doing some stuff differently in 2008 - I hope for lots of things in the coming months but mostly just to make life more simple and enjoy every moment as I now realise just how lucky I am.

New Year Resolutions

Ok, so we haven't even had Christmas yet and I'm now on to New Year, I am still formulating my resolutions but here are a few to start with....

1. Make a will

2. Limit internet use - no computer between 9am and 5pm

3. Lose a stone in weight - I will be Kate Moss by Summer (without the drugs and dodgy boyfriends!)

4. Drink 2 litres of water EVERY day

5. Do some exercise

6. One load of washing and ironing EVERY DAY, this way I won't be in fear of the mega tower of ironing I currently have.

7. Ok and here is the big one - get driving. I don't even know where my licence is at the moment but I will make moves towards getting mobile.

8. Chill out and enjoy every day instead of worrying about tomorrow

There will be more.....................

Mistletoe and Wine

What happened to mistletoe? Is it indicative of my life that I no longer see any. In previous years I couldn't keep away from the stuff and would be able to sneak a crafty snog with anyone I fancied - these days I never see the stuff. Is there a link between this and the amount of wine I drink/have previously drunk over the festive season? Mmmmmm or is it that no one is waving it near me these days? I feel a little depressed at that.

Sleep

Sleep has been very elusive around these parts recently. D Boy has been a real terror waking 6 or so times a night - at my advanced age this is no good - I just can't function on so little sleep. It's not just his wakings it's the fact that I can't then get back to sleep and then am on the go all day long too. I was beginning to fade but then last night the little beauty went from 6.30pm until 7am with just one waking at 2am for a feed. I don't feel any less tired yet but a few of those in a row would be very nice. Mmmmm what will tonight bring??? I will try to feed him up on potatoes and cheese today to see if that will help.

The princess is doing marvellous, she is busy practicing for her nativity play (a star don't you know - her twinkling is astounding ;) ) and we are all feeling very very festive. Childrens gifts are now all wrapped and I am not going to buy anything else for them. All other gifts are purchased and will be wrapped before the end of the weekend. Cards are now posted and I have placed my food order so now all I have to do is have a glass of sherry and a cherry liquer chocolate and watch my kids enjoy this special time of year.

I love lighting the candles of an evening, playing the christmas music and filling the house with the scent of cinnamon and pine (candles mainly!). We get the tree on Saturday and plan to spend all afternoon throwing bling onto it. I used to be very anal about the tree and it's colour scheme - now I just say go for it and throw all the shiny colourful things I can find at it.

I have always loved this time of year, but having TWO children in the house makes me so very thankful for what we now have and so very happy indeed.

Off for a bop to Jingle Bells with my boy!!!

HOLIDAY UPDATE

It's offical we are all booked. First 4 days with Mickey Mouse and friends in Paris and then home for a day then off to our favourite farm in Cornwall for lots of horse riding, cream teas, egg collecting, sandcastle building and above all fun. Woohoo.

Holiday

Our Cottage,
originally uploaded by Kazza, Mizzo, Lils and Daniel.

We have booked half of our holiday for next summer.

After much thought and changing the destination numerous times we have eventually decided to holiday in this country. We have booked the same cottage that we stayed in last September and we are all really excited already. It is on a fab farm and in a beautiful location with loads for the children to do. Perfect.

As I said this is half of the holiday, the other half should be booked by the end of the week and includes a trip on a train, a mouse and lots and lots of princesses - any guesses???

This is all so exciting as we are currently having a rotten time with colds, fevers, sickness and infections so having something to look forward to helps take us out of the bleurghhhhhh.

It's an awful long time 'til summer though, so am perking myslef up with the thought of buying our Christmas tree and getting some blinging lights going!!!

Bleurghhhhhh

I have barely left the house in a week. There has been so much snot and vomit that I felt I might drown at one point! The Princess still isn't well and now D Boy has it too - arghhhhh.

We have been lucky that he hadn't got ill before this point to be honest but he is doing it in style now. Snot and sick are still featuring highly on the daily agenda.

We were planning on booking our summer holiday today, it remains to be seen if we are able to drag two ill kids to the high street or whether we spend ANOTHER day holed up in the house.

I feel like my world has shrunk and it will be weird to go out and mix with other humans again - it's been that long.

Fingers crossed they both recover quickly or we all might just go out of our minds............

Thanks

In honour of American Thanksgiving Day, I'm thankful for....

My babies

My friends and family

Calpol

The internet and internet shopping (see below)

Ocado - food shopping done and will be delivered to the door on Christmas eve

Baby breath

Kisses

Gingerbread lattes

Sky+

My new Christmas cd

My organic fruit and veg box

Tassimo

Crafty

I have just spent the past three hours making Christmas tree ornaments. That's right - ME - making stuff.

Ok, so I'm not very good, but it has been loads of fun and I can't wait to do more.

I have enrolled myself in a holiday ornament swap. Which is basically as follows..

Hand make 10 tree ornaments

Receive a list of 10 people scattered around the world

Package up your ornaments and send them off to your 10 names

Wait, drink egg nog and Mr Postie will turn up at the door with 10 beautiful handmade ornaments from around the globe to hang on my tree.

Ohhhhh Exciting!!!

I pity the poor people who end up with my effort but at least the thought is there and they are made with love.

I will post a picture soon but the six I made tonight are really just test pieces, I hope to improve my skills for the ones I send out.

What's going on with me? I'll be entering cooking competitions next - oh yes that's right it's all going Martha Stewart around here.

What's Crackalackin ?

Not so much really.

Last night I was in my bed ASLEEP for six, yes six, solid hours. Maybe we are turning a corner. I'm not feeling any better though, I am still preoccupied with my age, my incredibly sore neck, my lost youth and my less than perky body parts. It's all very self indulgent and I should really pull myself together and think myself lucky etc etc

Believe me, I know just how lucky I am. My kids are amazing, beautiful - yadda yadda yadda.

I was discussing with a friend today how I am feeling ready to pull back a little part of the old me. It's fabulous being a Mummy but it's also pretty darn cool being Kazza, so sometime soon I will re-emerge from my cocoon of mummydom and hit the world full on again.

I'm not sure I will ever be the same girl who danced on tables 'til dawn, was always the last to leave, who was always one step ahead of the trends, who sipped champagne on the house beacause 'management' wanted girls like us there BUT I can be a bit more 'me' and so soon the transformation will begin. First step in the transformation will be to sort this old body out. I would like to say that I will be Kate Moss thin by Christmas but this is unlikely, it's a starting place though and slowly but surely next year my other resolutions MIGHT fall into place.

In other news, I have bought a memory foam pillow to help my aching neck - it's like sleeping on a breeze block but hey it might work.

Tomorrow is a day packed with ballet, visiting and shopping at Hobbycraft, yep it's all rock and roll around here - it might take a while for the old me to make a reappearance!!!

This looks cool by the way, in a geeky list making kind of way - ask my husband I am THE queen of to do lists.

Too Funny

So very cool

The music is ok, the dancing is just about passable, they hype is - well hype but the Take That fellas are looking amazing. Their style is great right now and in fact I am off to M&S right now to have a bit of a drool over the instore graphics. Sad I know, but if you are female and under 50 you'll get it!

When will I learn?

I should trust my instincts. For some reason I have gotten myself in a complete mix with regards to Daniels feeding schedule.

I remember when the Princess was weaning that I fed her solids and finished each meal with a milk feed. This worked perfectly.

So why on earth have I been listening to the likes of Annabel Karmel (in book form, she hasn't been popping by!) who advocate giving solids at meal times and milk feeds mid morning and mid afternoon. This seemed totally crazy to me as you are always either givng solids or milk every couple of hours and so of course baby is not going to have a good appetite for either one.

I called into see our Health Visitor today who confirmed that my instinctive way is the preferable way and that it should work out for the best all round - after all we are trying to teach Dan to eat like a fully paid up member of the family who eats three meals a day not someone who is wanting something every few hours - this can only lead to a fatty in the long run.

So from tomorrow I will revert to our orginal plan of three meals a day two of which are followed by a drink of milk, one with a cup of water and milk twice a day on it's own (morning and night)

I so wish I would listen to myself sometimes as I did a pretty good job with the Princess and if I follow a similar pattern with D Boy we can hopefully expect equally good things.

Phewwww - now I can relax until the next issue arrives on the horizon - actually it already has - we need him to drop his 3am feed for my sanity if nothing else. Wish us luck....................

More ramblings..

The boy is now 25 weeks old. Still longer in there than out here. How strange, as it seems he has been in our family always.

My head is all over the place. I feel the urge to escape from everyone to find some precious space but I lack the energy to do anything about it. I dream guiltlessly of a day alone, to do exactly what I want to when I choose, without thinking of others first or fulfilling chores. I'd wear only pjs or slouchy clothes and gorge myself on much-missed books and tunes. I'd go out for coffee and read the paper thoroughly and silently. I would go shopping and regain my previous passion for fashion instead of the mummy uniform of tshirt and jeans I have fallen into wearing daily. I'd sleep, oh yes, I would sleep lots and I wouldn't have to have one eye open and one ear listening for what might be.

Best of all I'd miss them all and would recapture that aching sense of love, infact in writing this paragraph I have realised that I'm not yet ready for time away from my babies but I'm building up to it and slowly formulating a plan for next year - all I have to decide is spa or west end rave up and I will finally emerge from this mummy cocoon as me again.

I have been thinking (in the early hours, sat in darkness, feeding the boy) about my life.

I have birthed two beautiful babies

I have had two major abdominal surgeries (see above, just 'cos c-section is common doesn't make it any less major)

I have endured heart-break of the sort I never imagined possible and certainly considered intolerable, and come out smiling.

I had 10 years of infertility and all the stuff that goes with that (talk about your head being a mess let alone any other part of you)

I have worked hard at all the jobs I had and excelled (modest eh?) at all of them

I have lived and worked in very difficult circumstancs, had daily threats of violence and been at the end of a gun during an armed robbery

I have socialised with people who choose an alternative lifestyle to me (ambiguous I know but details not necessary!)

In spite of all of the above, six months without a full nights sleep is without doubt the hardest experience I have ever known.

After saying all of the above, I watched the Princess at ballet today and was filled with pride at my beautiful, clever, elegant girl as she danced her way (almost) perfectly around the room. I listened as she held a conversation with another adult, independent of me and how she expressed herself so wonderfully.

The boy now has two teeth and is becoming a cheeky, funny little boy who loves company and enjoys a party (sound familiar?).

I love them both so much that I feel I could burst but sometime soon, I have to become me again instead of 'just' Mummy. This doesn't mean I am thinking of going back to work - far from it! but there is a little bit of me that wonders where I will be in five years time. What will life bring me and my little family, I hope whatever is ahead of us will be exciting and bring the kids happiness, this is all waffle to you I know but there is stuff in my head and plans are being formulated.....

The C word

OK, so it can't be avoided any longer.

Christmas is approaching - fast.

Now I know most people groan and say that it's ages away but it will be here in the blink of an eye. Family members have already declared their intentions, my Christmas saving fund will be in my hand in two weeks time, I have done about half of all my pressie shopping and I have just booked a time for Lilly's visit to see Santa Christmas (as he is known in these parts). I know it seems early but it is going to be a popular place to meet the big man and it seems silly to miss out on an ideal date.

I for one love the whole festive season. I am very sad and have a 'control journal' in which I can prepare myself for the big day. I have set weekly tasks from now until The end of November so that December can be a relaxing time with my family - with no stress and having to trawl the shops - I want to be able to spend my December doing fun things with the kids not running around like a crazed person.

I can't believe that this year we will be a family of four. I never thought it could happen, but this year will be even more magical than last year because of our extra little star.

Ok, so you might not be as into it as me and I promise not to mention it again until December but just so you know - I'm excited and it's a whirl of planning and excitiment in my head.

Childhood

We are just about to enter a new phase. We are about to start applying for a primary school place for the princess and she is moving up a group at her preschool. So, education is foremost in our minds right now.

The Princess soaks up knowledge and her favourite phrase at the mo is "tell me all about that" - which means she wants the whole picture on a subject not just a snippet of info.

I try really hard to give her access to as many experiences and as much knowledge as she wants and on a daily basis I struggle with my desire to pump this little sponge with more and more knowledge - phonic sounds, dinosaurs and the planets are our current favs BUT I also believe in my heart that children should just be children and they should just play play play and pick up knowledge through experience. I am trying hard to balance this.

I found the following at www.magicalchildhood.com and I nodded my way through it ...

Have a read and see if you agree.....

What should a 4 year old know?

I was on a parenting bulletin board recently and read a post by a mother who was worried that her 4 1/2 year old did not know enough. "What should a 4 year old know?" she asked.
Most of the answers left me not only saddened but pretty soundly annoyed. One mom posted a laundry list of all of the things her son knew. Counting to 100, planets, how to write his first and last name, and on and on. Others chimed in with how much more their children already knew, some who were only 3. A few posted URL's to lists of what each age should know. The fewest yet said that each child develops at his own pace and not to worry.
It bothered me greatly to see these mothers responding to a worried mom by adding to her concern, with lists of all the things their children could do that hers couldn't. We are such a competitive culture that even our preschoolers have become trophies and bragging rights.
Childhood shouldn't be a race.
So here, I offer my list of what a 4 year old should know.
1. She should know that she is loved wholly and unconditionally, all of the time.
2. He should know that he is safe and he should know how to keep himself safe in public, with others, and in varied situations. He should know that he can trust his instincts about people and that he never has to do something that doesn't feel right, no matter who is asking. He should know his personal rights and that his family will back them up.
3. She should know how to laugh, act silly, be goofy and use her imagination. She should know that it is always okay to paint the sky orange and give cats 6 legs.
4. He should know his own interests and be encouraged to follow them. If he could care less about learning his numbers, his parents should realize he'll learn them accidentally soon enough and let him immerse himself instead in rocket ships, drawing, dinosaurs or playing in the mud.
5. She should know that the world is magical and that so is she. She should know that she's wonderful, brilliant, creative, compassionate and marvelous. She should know that it's just as worthy to spend the day outside making daisy chains, mud pies and fairy houses as it is to practice phonics. Scratch that-- way more worthy.
But more important, here's what parents need to know.
1. That every child learns to walk, talk, read and do algebra at his own pace and that it will have no bearing on how well he walks, talks, reads or does algebra.
2. That the single biggest predictor of high academic achievement and high ACT scores is reading to children. Not flash cards, not workbooks, not fancy preschools, not blinking toys or computers, but mom or dad taking the time every day or night (or both!) to sit and read them wonderful books.
3. That being the smartest or most accomplished kid in class has never had any bearing on being the happiest. We are so caught up in trying to give our children "advantages" that we're giving them lives as multi-tasked and stressful as ours. One of the biggest advantages we can give our children is a simple, carefree childhood.
4. That our children deserve to be surrounded by books, nature, art supplies and the freedom to explore them. Most of us could get rid of 90% of our children's toys and they wouldn't be missed, but some things are important-- building toys like legos and blocks, creative toys like all types of art materials (good stuff), musical instruments (real ones and multicultural ones), dress up clothes and books, books, books. (Incidentally, much of this can be picked up quite cheaply at thrift shops.) They need to have the freedom to explore with these things too-- to play with scoops of dried beans in the high chair (supervised, of course), to knead bread and make messes, to use paint and play dough and glitter at the kitchen table while we make supper even though it gets everywhere, to have a spot in the yard where it's absolutely fine to dig up all the grass and make a mud pit.
5. That our children need more of us. We have become so good at saying that we need to take care of ourselves that some of us have used it as an excuse to have the rest of the world take care of our kids. Yes, we all need undisturbed baths, time with friends, sanity breaks and an occasional life outside of parenthood. But we live in a time when parenting magazines recommend trying to commit to 10 minutes a day with each child and scheduling one Saturday a month as family day. That's not okay! Our children don't need Nintendos, computers, after school activities, ballet lessons, play groups and soccer practice nearly as much as they need US.
They need fathers who sit and listen to their days, mothers who join in and make crafts with them, parents who take the time to read them stories and act like idiots with them. They need us to take walks with them and not mind the .1 MPH pace of a toddler on a spring night. They deserve to help us make supper even though it takes twice as long and makes it twice as much work. They deserve to know that they're a priority for us and that we truly love to be with them.

Added to this I have been reading about Steiner Schools and I must admit I like their approach to schooling. Melinda Messenger moved house to be close to one of these schools as she didn't like the pressure put on her son in mainstream schools to conform at a given time to a given skill.

Food for thought.

I Love This Boy

22/365,
originally uploaded by Kazza, Mizzo, Lils and Daniel.

He gets more beautiful every day. How did we get so lucky?

I'm not getting much sleep

For the past 4 months I feel like I have hardly slept, but it doesn't seem to matter once 7am rolls around. Danny's wind stops and he is suddenly awake. Wide awake. With smiles and giggles and rolling back and forth between us and touching us. Then we hear the princess in the next room calling, "Mummeeee Daddeeee!"

And then there we are -the family together snuggling and giggling and smelling of sweet dreams. Of course, then the moaning and the grumbling and nappy changing and incessant chatter and all the rest of the stuff that will fill the next 12 hours starts - but those few moments before the day really begins are magic and make the sleepless night somehow worthwhile.

OK I admit it, I am very very sad

I LOVE cleaning, I LOVE decluttering and I LOVE organising.

One of lifes greatest pleasures is seeing a room sparkle and gleam. It makes me happy to be organised and my house to be ordered.

I have been lost for the past three years, I have been unable to keep up with everything and it has driven me a little crazy but I have learned to relax a little and allow the clutter and cobwebs to make a tiny appearance. This is only because I have had no choice in the matter as I have been busy making babies but now I am determined to get a hold on the house again.

I have rejoined Flylady in order to give me some focus. If you haven't heard of Flylady go here and see what I am talking about. It is a cheesy American system of house organisation and cleaning and although it is very 'american' - it works and allows you to keep on top of the house with very little effort once you have done the initial few weeks of prep.

I love Anthea Turner's Perfect Housewife programme and her book is a bit of a constant companion. I aspire to Bree Van de Kamp's perfect home (although maybe not the rest of her life!!) and I am never without my list of chores.

Imagine my joy then to discover 'Method' cleaning products. Wow - non-toxic, natural cleaning products that work brilliantly, smell heavenly and look gorgeous (I keep caressing the bottles!!!). I am in love. Take at look at the little beauties here and get on down to John Lewis to grab yourself some.

My husband was recently asked in all seriousness if I have OCD he laughed at his friend and replied 'no' but maybe there is a little truth there somewhere.

I'm off to mop my floors now..... only joking - *maybe*

August?

Is it really summer?

This evening I am chilly and that is whilst sat in the house with all the doors and windows closed. It has been raining again. Today we did a lot of our Christmas shopping (happened across a toy shop that was closing down and had all stock at 50% off) - IT'S AUGUST !!!!!!!

Arghhhhhh.

In the rest of our lives, all is going well. We have just returned from a little break in Cambridgeshire with Tony's parents. The weather was grim but we all had a nice, relaxing time. The princess was great, she had so much fun, was brilliantly well behaved and ate like a horse. The boy was pretty cool too, he smiled through most of the day and kept to his night time routines so that was all good. Today he rolled over from his tummy to back for the first time. It was not intentional on his part and gave him quite a shock but he has rolled - that is the start!!!!

His wind issues continue - we had him to the GP again on Monday. She was a horrible woman who spoke over me, didn't listen to a word I said and made the boy cry by throwing him around and making stupid noises at him. I was furious. I am so concerned by what took us to the surgery in the first place but was basically told to go away. That is now our third visit to GPs with his digestive system and they won't hear me - there is something wrong but they just don't want to find out what. They are just hoping that whatever it is goes away. I am planning on seeing the Health Visitor on Wednesday and if necessary start shouting as I KNOW as his mother that there is something not right and we need to know if we can stop his pain.

Rant over.

Innocence and Independence

My friend Emma has recently blogged her thoughts on the Madeline McCann case and how it affects her as a parent. This got me thinking about how we keep our children safe and protected but also fulfill one of our ultimate roles as parents - nuturing an independent and confident child.

I am a very careful (read paranoid) parent, I recently stopped the Princess attended local gym classes as I wasn't happy with the level of care given by the instructors. After watching a session I didn't feel that they were equipped to watch the children adequately and I am just not willing to take any chances at all.

Other than pre-school (in which I have confidence), the Princess is always with me or someone I trust, but terrible things can happen in the blink of an eye. Only the other day we discovered that whilst we had been downstairs blissfully unaware, she had been up on her windowsill - the thoughts of what might have been still make me feel cold.

What about other areas? I'm not sure what to shield my kids from now. Sure there are the obvious things. Certainly, I don't swear in front of them and keep anything inappropriate out of earshot - I need to load Amy Winehouse, Prince and some of my gay tunes on to my I-Pod if I am to listen to it in the next 15 years. I know that hitting "next blog" when she's close by is a definite no-no. I don't allow her to see adult televison including soaps (Eastenders is so vile in it's content)

Obviously, their Internet access will need to be closely monitored as they get older to protect them from pervs and also the limit websites available to them - there is stuff they just don't need to know about anytime soon.

If you know me, you will know I am no prude and that I have certainly 'lived' but I find society today a scary place, there is little respect for others and the boundaries of what is morally and socially acceptable have moved so far away from what I find acceptable. It is the slow decline of manners and morals which I find hardest to grasp - again I blame things like Eastenders for the drip drip effect of changing our perceptions.


It's really overwhelming, the task of shielding our children.With society, television, films (even Disney), video games and the internet filled with violence, drugs, sex, and obscene language, how do we strike a balance between being a hovering parent who shields their eyes and ears from everything and allowing them to see and hear more than they should and becoming fully rounded people?

Really, how do we ever let them out of our sight?

Friday Morning Skive

The Princess is at pre-school (dressed as a pirate!) and the Boy is asleep in his swing, I am about to have a coffee and surf the net - bliss!!! The housework can wait. I was up from 4am with the boy moaning and groaning and eating his fists. I think there could be some teething action going on. The Princess had her first tooth through at 20 weeks which is only 4 weeks away so maybe...

I'm not an old hippy

and I do believe in 'live and let live' but this week I was shocked by some blatant and in my opinion 'wrong' advertising.

I was browsing through OK magazine, mainly to have a look at Katie Price and Peter Andre's new baby girl (she's adorable by the way) and within the interview Katie talks about the fact that she didn't want to breastfeed as she doesn't "want a baby drinking from me".

Ok, so it's a shame that she doesn't advocate breastfeeding as she is a great role model for young women and attitude like hers doesn't help increase the figures of new mums 'giving it a shot'.

She is perfectly entitled to do what she wants to do (and she always does!!!) but what I found shocking was the product placement of the formula milk she is using, the label aimed squarely at the camera and during the interview she talks of having crates full of the ready made bottles - no doubt in exchange for the photo 'advert'.

It is illegal to avertise formula for babies under six months but when celebrities allow themselves to be used is this manner, the formula companies get around the law.

There is a new call for ALL formula advertising to be banned, which may increase the poor number of women feeding naturally. At present only 25% of women continue feeding beyond six months.

Personally, I think that more help is required for new mums. I have found feeding very difficult this time and could have given up on many occasions but as I had such a good experience first time round, I persevered. Nobody has been there to help me through and Health visitors just seem to say 'keep trying' - not always easy when you are in pain and baby is hungry.

Young women, particularly those from less educated backgrounds and lower incomes need help and education, but sadly whilst role models like Jordan keep up the 'erghhh I don't want a baby hanging from me' attitude, this is going to be an uphill struggle.

Bit Of Both

The boy is doing great. He is a real character, very smiley, very chatty and great at blowing bubbles and shouting 'hey'. He is now grabbing toys and shaking them (and then dropping them). All in all he is doing fab.

His weight gain has slowed up dramatically though and has only gained 40z in the past 3 weeks - not so cool.

The health visitor isn't too worried but said to get him weighed again in 3 weeks time and then if things haven't improved it is because he is hungry and needs to be weaned. So it looks like we are just 20 or so days away from baby rice, bibs and mess mess mess. I can't wait to be honest. I know my son and I know that he is going to have his Mummy and Daddy's love of food.

Not sure if I should start to introduce a bottle into his life too. Breastfeeding is great- good for baby, convenient for mum and feeding from a bottle seems clinical and unemotional. However, it is a tie when you fancy a few beers or want to go on the mother of all diets. Its exhausting feeding every hour for days on end with no one to assist, and then running around keeping a lively three year old engaged during the day. We have recently turned down several party invitations due to being too far to feasibly travel and return home for the 11pm feed.

I've read that if you offer only a bottle for two days, baby will learn to latch and suckle from a bottle. A baby will never forget how to feed in his preferred method, and can learn to do both. This would be ideal but not sure I could handle the two days of confused crying and would whip out the boob to nourish him.

The other benefits of extending breastfeeding are avoiding the transition to bottle and goin direct to cup. This worked well with Lil. The other selfish reason is the cancer protection given to me if breastfeeding extends beyond six months.

The next month will be interesting and I am sure whatever is 'right' will prevail.

p.s. We have also booked his baptism - busy times!!!!

Daniel and the New Bumbo Seat

Daniel and the New Bumbo Seat,
originally uploaded by Kazza, Mizzo, Lils and Daniel.

Daniel has a new seat so that he can join in the action from an upright position. He loves it!

Blah Blah Blah

Not been on here much, as I haven't had a lot to say but thought I would just check in tonight.

Operation Yummy Mummy starts tomorrow with my return to WeightWatchers, I have a mammoth amount of weight to lose but I will be back in my clothes by Christmas -FACT!

Baby boy is doing great, he is smiling more now that his wind troubles are abating and is now reaching out for toys and trying to grasp them. He hasn't managed to suck his thumb yet, just his whole fist! He is huge and he is beautiful.

The Princess is a joy as ever.

I have just found some books that I just have to order for the children. They won't want them for years yet but they will love them in a few years time. Children grow up too fast these days, girls of eight look like PussycatDolls (not good!) and boys sit in their rooms playing computer games and grunting (not good!)

The Great Big Glorious Book for Girls and The Dangerous Book for Boys are what my childhood were about and I would love for my children to experience the same fun, innocent, exciting things that I did and I am sure that they will enjoy them as much as I did even if it is inbetween playing with Bratz dolls (arghhhhhh) or doing something technical that I don't understand (likely).

Ahhhh the long days spent making rose petal perfume, reading the stars and practicing knots - heaven.

Doing What I Do Best

I love being a Mum.

I am fed up of being marginalised because of the job I do, I resent the stigma attached to simply being a Mum.

My job involves long shifts, people management, problem solving, diet and nutritional planning, money management, and so many other skills I can't list them all. I am responsible for all of the emotional, educational and physical development of two people .

If I sat pushing paper around a desk for 8 hours a day I would gain more respect.

I feel that peoples values are evolving around me.

The need for 'stuff' seem to be erasing manners, respect and civility. Things before people.

Are money and things more important than emotional stability, wellbeing and happiness?

I look around and feel I'm in some sad, grim vision of a world where we work until we die, our young are removed to sterile baby-raising facilities and our elderly are shipped off to die, out of sight.

It is madness that society penalises families for being just that. Families.

Many women fall into the trap of feeling they have to work to pay the bills. Many women (not all) are forced back to work soon after the birth of their children, torn emotionally and financially, blackmailed by the government and society into believing that staying at home to look after their children is the same as sitting on the sofa watching Jeremy Kyle. Being a Mother is an important job and when done properly is one of the most important roles there are. We are raising the next generation.

I was asked yesterday if I might have more children. My instant response was 'NO' as the thoughts of getting my body back, getting my life back into order and how would we afford more children came into my head. See I too fall into the modern trap.

It's not about me, it's not about big houses and holidays in Tuscany. Although all that is very nice. What is most important to me and my family is happiness. Our home is fun, it is filled with laughter and we (I believe) have amazing, clever, beautiful, kind children. So what I'm basically saying is....Mmmmm.... I have found my vocation in life and should we really stop here just because we and our peer group buy into a more material and usually less happy way of living than previous generations.

I am not saying that all Mums should stay at home - far from it, but those that want to and those that want to make a difference in society should make a stand and not feel that pressure to be something that the Government have programmed us all to believe is right.

This probably makes no sense at all as I haven't read back what I have just thrown down onto the keyboard but it helps my brain think things out.....

Am I Going Crazy?

I hear voices in my head.

I have conversations with myself.

They usually go something like this.....

Me 1 - "Why won't he sleep through the night?"

Me 2 - "Because he is ten weeks old!"

Me 1 - "But I am exhausted and very grumpy, how can I make him sleep?"

Me 2 - "This won't last forever"

Me 1 - "It feels endless"

Me 2 - "But it isn't - before you know it he will be walking and talking and sleeping all night"

Me 1 - "I know but....."

Me 2 - "No buts, this will all fade and you will start wanting another baby"

Me 1 - "Arghhhhhhh"

Me 2 - "Now stop talking to yourself, the kids are asleep so go do something useful with this precious time like have a wee or doing the ironing or eat"

Me 1 - "Ok, but I just need to check my blog first....."

Operation Yummy Mummy (I changed the title as some of you thought I was talking about garden buildings)

Tomorrow I will enter a new phase.

I would like to lose a shocking amount of weight and for my legs to grow about 2 inches. A facelift and tummy tuck would also be quite nice.So, I've set myself reasonable goals and *looks up* I've got a positive attitude. I'm poised for success.

These layers of blubber on their way out and a new me will emerge. This may take a while, there's a lot to sort out but I WILL get there and be 'me' again. I want to feel sleek and smooth and have boundless energy and zest. I want to be the Mummy my kids deserve. I know I'm a great Mum but I also want to be a little bit Yummy too!

Look out - I'm on my way back..............................

MOTHERS LITTLE HELPER

Then there are times when I am in pieces. Like when Dan has had a growth spurt and feeds every hour on the hour for 48 hours, give or take the odd two hour respite when he screams.

The past week has been tough. The Princess has had a fever and Dan has screamed and screamed and screamed with wind. It got to the point when I-just-couldn't-focus-on-anything-other-than-the-screaming, oh yes and Daddy has now got a fever -great. So yesterday the whole family trudged off to the GP. The result of the visit - She confirmed that Lilly did indeed have a fever and Dan has wind - hurrah - glad we went for that visit.

The grey hairs and wrinkles are appearing everywhere. The stretch marks, scars and pouches of skin are hideous and I am unable to communicate effectively or remember anything. Thank goodness that the GP told me to have a glass of red wine of an evening.

Cheers!

Growing Up and Saving The Planet

Yesterday, baby boy had his 8 week check and jabs (another story including lots of screaming and testicles!!!). Whilst in the doctors room the Princess was chattering away in her usual style, the doctor stopped in his tracks and focused on her instead of the baby boy. He couldn't believe her language skills and was amazed not only at the size of the words used but her sentence constuction too. This confirmed my suspicions that we have a genius on our hands (joke) but also brought home to me just how grown up she now is.

She now dresses herself, makes up stories to tell us, helps herself to food and drink and gets herself up to the table to tuck in. That's no baby, not even a toddler - she is a real life girl!!!

And physically she's growing too. She's just under a metre tall and has hair to die for. I've noticed her hugs and kisses have become more deliberate, much stronger. When she puts her hand in my hand it no longer gets lost. I even had to buy new pants from the big girls section.
Yes, she's changing alright. And although it's scary and a little bit sad, I'm very proud.

We are also upping our efforts at being 'green' and the Princess knows to help us in this. She knows about Bags For Life, she recycles paper and knows her way around the bottle bank. She knows that her old clothes can be passed on to others and we are working on passing on toys too (not so into this!!!!) not sure if she will be impressed by my new bag though - I finally got my Anya Hindmarch 'I'm NOT a Plastic bag' Bag. I have been on the waiting list since before they were first issued and finally my time has come. Of course its not for fashion and status you understand I am being green!!!!!!

25 Things To Do On A Rainy Day

1. Stare out of window.
2. Put toys back in box.
3. Watch Lilly tip toys onto floor.
4. Hold Dan.
5. Breastfeed.
6. change poo covered baby and clothes.
7. Eat.
8. Contemplate scrubbing upstairs floors
9. Ditch the idea.
10. Drink tea.
11. Wash up.
12. Stare at contents of fridge.
13. Wonder if I can make a dinner out of eggs and cheese.
14. Ditch the idea.
15. Read The Gruffalo three times.
16. Change nappies.
17. Make breakfast - Bircher Muesli
18. Think I am probably not like Anthea Turner.
19. Put Dan down for a sleep.
20. Listen to Dan grunt
21. Contemplate having a shower
22. Ditch the idea
23. Drink tea
24. Stare
25. Count minutes until another big person is in the house

Three Weeks Three Days

Our little man now weighs in at 11 pounds and is a feeding/sleeping monster. He is a textbook newborn and is no problem at all, he is a bit windy but hey after the Princess' colic we can deal with wind.

Breastfeeding hasn't been quite as straightforward as last time round (mastitis, ouchy nips and a very hungry baby all add to the pain) but I am keeping going for now as it was such a beautiful experience last time and although I have suffered a little bit, the man himself is piling the weight on like a sumo, so something is working well.

DH and I have decided that this week we have to reclaim the house and ramp up the discipline with the Princess, it's not that she is naughty but little habits that we don't like have started to form, and so we are stamping on the bad behaviour now before any harm is done. This might sound harsh as she really is a little beauty but we think it is wise to take action before a brat develops.

She is doing really well with the transition to big sister from 'centre of attention' but a few odd behaviours have started to appear - not wanting me to leave her side, not joining in with things that she previously enjoyed and a shyness that up to now was unheard of. This, without a doubt, is all related to the arrival of Dan and I have been told that this is all normal stuff that will pass with time. I hope so. I miss my confident, party animal little nutter. That said, she is so loving and kind to baby D and takes her role as big sis very seriously. So really I couldn't or shouldn't ask for more right now.

TWO WEEKS

So, the Prince is now two weeks old and is doing great. He has put on 10 ounces in the past 4 days so we can safely say "my boobs rock!". Also, the midwife is happy that his jaundice is clearing and decided that a blood test for liver function isn't necessary.

He has been feeding every two hours for the past two days and suffered with some terrible wind pain which kept us up a LOT at night but last night was much more settled so I am hoping that that was just a growth spurt/blip and we are going to go back to quiet, placid Danny again.

We are amazed at how the Prince has settled into out lives, when the Princess was born we barely had time to eat or speak but life is continuing fairly normally at the moment (although it does take an awful long time to get out of the house these days). I might change my mind on that though next week when Daddy goes back to work and I am left single handed. Watch this space.

One Week On

The Prince is now 8 days old and is just beautiful.

At the moment he is a very quiet, sleepy, placid baby. He is so good to his Mummy and is currently only waking twice at night and after a feed he goes straight back to sleep. Long may it last!!!!!

He has had slight jaundice since birth and is now spending all his days in our conservatory trying to clear it up. I think today I can see an improvement and so I hope by the time the midwife next visits she will declare it gone - if not it would mean a little trip to hospital to sleep under a sunlamp, but fingers crossed that won't be necessary.

The Princess is now recovering from her chest and ear infections and has gone out with Daddy this morning to a local garden centre to look at the animals in the pet shop there and to get some fresh air.

Yesterday we heard that she had won a prize in a local council run art competition. She had to colour in and decorate a butterfly and she got a 'Highly Commended' in the under 4's catagory.
She has been invited to an evening prize presentation by the lord mayor, followed by tea and cakes and a magic show. Wow - Daddy and I collapsed into tears with pride - goodness knows how we will cope when she passes exams etc later in life.

We are so proud of our children - what did we do to get so lucky??????

A New Chapter

Daniel Edward (from now on referred to as The Prince) arrived one week ago, he is beautiful and looks almost exactly like his big sister did when she was born. He is a whopper though, weighing in at 9lb 5oz - goodness knows what he would have been in another three weeks if I had gone all natural.

I cannot describe the feelings of love that I am currently experiencing - it's an amplified version of The Princess' birth as this time round I have been (a little) more 'with it' due to the planned c-section and also the love that The Princess has shown to him as just made my heart feel it might burst. She loves him so much. She can not leave a room without first kissing him and giving him another toy.

We have been blessed with the most beautiful and kind hearted children (well, I hope Danny Boy turns out to be a nice guy and not a psycho) and to be honest life couldn't really be much better than it is right now. I am saying this whilst the Princess suffers with a chest AND ear infection and I am slowly going insane looking at The Prince for signs of illness. So can you imagine the bliss I will be experiencing when both children are happy and healthy- it scares me to think that anyone could possibly be this happy.

Of course by the time the Princess is mended we could be entering the realms of colic and sleep deprivation on a mammoth scale - but for now I'm off to stare at my TWO beautiful children.

8 DAYS TO GO

I can't believe that baby boy will be with us in just 8 days time, we started on this adventure in January 2006, so to get here seems like an epic journey but I am sure the next week will pass in the blink of an eye.

I will start to blog again now, it WILL be boring reading but it helps me to focus and also provides amazing memories. During this pregnancy I have been able to look back at the Princess' pregnancy and early days on my old blog and have found so many bits of info that I had either forgotton or blocked out of my mind!

With just a week to go, I am now so very ready for this baby to arrive. I am big, bloated and very uncomfortable. I am not scared of the c-section (although not exactly looking forward to it either) but am a little nervous of the recovery time afterwards. Last time I was able to take things VERY slowly but this time we have the princess to consider and as Daddy has gone and fractured his elbow, his help is going to be somewhat restricted.

The next two weeks will be interesting as life changes once more. I am filled with excitment at meeting our new family member and seeing a whole new person take his place in the world.

BRING IT ON!!!!!!!!!

Mmmmm Pancakes

Today we will be eating many pancakes and much chocolate, yummy!!!

Don't bother to check in here for a while - I have decided that as well as giving up chocolate for Lent, I will also stop blogging - just because.

That means that you might not get any updates now until just before baby arrives or maybe even afterwards, although I am sure you can live without reading about my aches and pains and swollen feet.

Ok, it's 8.30 in the morning and I had better get going - I have a lot of chocolate to consume if I am to clear the stocks today!!!!

Hopes and Dreams

Well, I had hoped that the Princess' impetigo would be cleared up by today so that she could return to pre-school - it had and she did!!!! I am so pleased as a) she so loves it there and I hated her not being able to go and b) we have a builder coming today to survey our garage ready for conversion (this would have been chaotic if little miss L had been around).

This is another dream that we might be able to realise soon. We have wanted to convert the cold, dirty, mess of a garge into a family room/study for ages but as with these things, if it isn't absolutely necessary you just put it off. Now that the arrival of baby is imminent, we have got things moving and soon we will have another room into which we can spread (a small room, but a room none the less).

On the subject of dreams, Russell Brand seems to be making many appearances in mine. He is such an interesting person (and if you know me you know how I like 'interesting'), so clever, so witty, so charming and just a bit edgy. He presented the Brits the other night and I really hope that he doesn't become the 'youth' version of Jonathan Ross. His appeal (to me at least) is his risque humour and dare I say slight licentiousness and I would hate to see this watered down for the masses.

Anyway, my hopes and dreams for the coming week are that the Princess can remain healthy as we have a date with Noddy on Monday and that the garage conversion happens swiftly and smoothly.

Will my hopes become reality? Probably not. Will I ever be an optimist? NOPE!

Spring Is Coming

At five o'clock this afternoon the sun was still streaming through our windows. Hurrah - Spring is coming!!!!!

Stuff and Nonsense

Hello to all those friends and family who check in for news here. Not a lot of stuff going on at the moment but here's the latest for what it's worth.....

The princess has started pre-school and loves it!!! She has adapted really quickly and loves seeing all the other children and whenever I have peeped in at her, she appears to be having a ball and is generally in the middle of everything. I miss her like crazy when she is away for those few hours but come April I may not have time to think about that!!!

All is well with me, I am massive. Looks like I am going to be just as big as I was with the princess, and if I escape again with no stretchmarks it will be a miracle. I am smothering myself in Clarins oil so fingers crossed. Everything else is going well though and baby is kickboxing for England so I guess he is doing fine.

We are hopeful that our building works MIGHT be done before baby arrives, the builders have given us week commencing 5th March as their start date. It's a shame that we won't have time to get it sorted, painted and furnished but at least the messy, dirty stuff will be done before baby arrives (if all goes to plan) and we can get the rest of it done slowly over the summer.

We are on spot watch as Lady L's new pre-school has had an outbreak of chicken pox, so I am hoping that if she is going to get it, it will be sooner rather than later so that we are clear before bambino arrives. There are so many bugs about at the moment though so if it's not chicken pox I am sure she'll pick something else up soon, in fact today we are off to the docs with a strange skin thing - I am self diagnosing impetigo, but we will see what the gp has to say. If it is that she has to have antibiotics to clear it up before she can go back to school. Update later...........

UPDATE: It is impetigo - antibiotics prescribed - spot already fading - another ailment to add to her collection.

Moving On Up

We have entered a new era. The princess is about to start pre-school. This week she had two visits to get used to the idea, yesterday's trip she did solo. She loved it! Not once did she ask for me and when I arrived to collect her she was in the middle of everyone having a fantastic time.

All that the staff could say was 'she is very confident' and 'she was walking round introducing herself to everyone' and ' she had great fun'. I am relieved, happy and just a little sad as she moves on to bigger and better things it leaves me wondering where my baby went and longing for those days when all we did all day was cuddle.

She is so precious that I find it so hard to know that she will now experience things that so far I have kept her from.... at bathtime last night she started to tell me all about a boy at school who had been naughty to her and had pushed her in the face, it breaks my heart to think that some nasty little brat has hurt her but she coped with the situation and didn't cry, she just asked him why he was being so naughty - that's my girl!!!!

She is a precocious child in many ways and is very bossy. She despairs at other children not doing exactly as she dictates and can't understand why her friends don't play 'properly' like her. It's difficult trying to explain the merits of empathy, generosity, kindness and democracy to a two year old. I remember with clearly how sad I would be when other children lied, broke a toy, or broke the rules. If I'm honest, I haven't changed much since then and I am constantly disappointed by people. The princess is very different to me though - I am sure that her confidence (I have none) and sociable nature (I find people difficult) will carry her through many situations.

For now, I am excited for her to be starting on this new journey and adventure and although it is tinged with sadness, I know this will be the start of a big shiny new life...for us all.

Boy Oh Boy

Not a lot to blog around these parts. Life is going along smoothly and therefore it makes for dull reading but happy days for us.

The princess seems to have settled back to a normal sleeping pattern, we still do get odd bad nights but to be honest we are very lucky as on her good days we get over 12 hours from her so I suppose it's all swings and roundabouts.

We have had a scan to find out the gender of new baby M and........ it's a boy!!!! We were gobsmacked to find this out as we just assumed it would be another girl but we are now so happy that we will have some balance to our home and that DH won't drown in a sea of pink, glitter and barbie dolls.

I had a consultant appointment yesterday which confirmed that all is going well with baby M and we had a good chat about the whole VBAC versus c-section isssue. The consultant that we saw has to be balanced and give us all the pros and cons and of course a c-section does carry all the risks of major surgery but very minimal risk to baby, therefore my decision is made - I will be going under the knife.

If I attempt a natural birth there is a risk (tiny but still a risk) that complications could arise and one of these is that my old scar could rupture, this is fatal to baby. It's a risk I just can't take and if a natural labour doesn't go 'text book' I would end up with an emergency section anyway. So it is better all round (apart from for me!!!!) that we schedule a c-section so that we can be organised with the Princess and baby doesn't have any risks.

It is all feeling very real now. All of my appointments upto the end of March are now booked and baby shopping is going well. The nursery is looking good and apart from a couple of little things we are just waiting for baby M to fatten up and build himself up to join our family. Are we excited? Very!

The next couple of months will fly by - we have loads of stuff going on, so the days and weeks will pass quickly. The Princess starts pre-school in a little over a week and although this makes me very nervous (I don't really like the idea of losing control and some of these kids she will be playing with are horrible, snotty little monsters - but hey!) I know that she will love it and that it will do her the worls of good. She is already incredibly sociable and very confident but I hope it will be an environment in which she thrives. Also, I get to put my feet up for two mornings a week for two months - bliss!!! Although saying that I doubt I will as nesting is kicking in and all I want to do is clear cupboards and wash windows - freaky I know but it'll take me another two years to get round to it again so I had better grab the opportunity whilst I can!!!!!

Growing Pains

For the past few weeks the Princess has been having night wakings which last for approx 2 hours at a time. During these episodes she usually complains of leg pain. We have dismissed her claims as an attention grabbing technique but it seems this is a common complaint amongst fast growing pre-schoolers.

She has suddenly shot up again and is looking very 'grown up' so maybe she is suffering with growing pains.

If at all interested go here to read more on this subject.

Good News Bad News

This week has seen me enter the 25th week of pregnancy, baby is now officially 'viable' - which basically means that if born now he or she would have roughly a 56% chance of survival. Each day that passes makes baby bigger and stronger and gets those all important lungs finished off. I visited the midwife today and all is as it should be so for now I can relax and enjoy the pregnancy.

The bad news is that today I dared to weigh myself. TWO STONE heavier than 6 months ago!!! That is scary. I promised myself that I wouldn't be such a bloater with this pregnancy but unfortunately it looks like I am going to be just as mammoth as I was in 2004.

I am going to try to eat a bit healthier but to be honest I think this is just how I do pregnant (not helped by a bit of Christmas overindulgence).

Going baby shopping htis weekend to start picking up a few bits that we need to get new. Luckily we did keep a lot of stuff from baby no 1 but it's amazing how much stuff still needs to be bought. Three mattresses for a start (carrycot, crib and cot) as this cannot be reused from last time and then there's stuff like a buggyboard and some new bedding, change mat etc etc not that I am complaining baby shopping is the best kind of shopping!

2007

So, it's all over for another year. Today we will start to dismantle the Christmas tree and decorations and return to normality (whatever that is).

The Princess has been sleeping terribly and last night we were up for a three stretch. We were all up, wide awake. There was a lot of crying (from more than one person) and lots of scary thoughts of a family of four being awake all night long in a few months time.

SO as of tonight we have to sort out this sleep issue. In my heart I think there a few issues, one being total overtiredness due to the festive fun and lack of naps and the other being an issue of control by the Princess, she wants to dictate our sleeping arrangements and as of today this WILL stop.

My back hurts, my belly is huge, I didn't get enough sleep and I wanted to start this year on a high!

On the positive side, I had a fab Christmas. I ate my (considerable) weight in chocolate, got some fabulous gifts and had the most special time with my family, so it's not all bad.

So forgive me for moaning about my tired state, but I am hoping this will be the last blog in the subject for a few months. I may be missing from the blogosphere for a while as the sleep thing will only get worse before it gets better but give me a week and I hope we will ALL be having beautiful dreamy nights.

Oh, and HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU TOO.