Tricky Situation

I enjoy going out for coffee and in my life have passed many an hour sitting quietly reading the newspaper and sipping on a latte. Now that the Princess is here that has changed slightly. I still enjoy coffee and the atmosphere of 'coffee establishments' but the reading part has gone and I now spend most of the time trying to get the Princess to stay close to me rather than wandering around saying 'hi' to other customers.

I can't use her pushchair or a highchair to keep her close or this would result in screams, therefore the only solution is to allow her some freedom but to be prepared to be up and down every 30 seconds pulling her back to our table. She is very well behaved and doesn't scream or make noise but I am very conscious of how others may feel about her presence. When I was without a child I didn't particularly want them around me whilst I nursed a hangover and tried to catch up on current affairs so I am very very aware of this and try so hard not to infringe on others enjoyment.

I read an article from America with interest this week, where this issue is becoming a national talking point. It appears that many coffee shop owners are taking a stand against wild children who's parents basically let them do whatever they please. This has caused outrage amongst mothers and is now an issue that is being discussed in newspapers and on tv countrywide.

Here's one example
Moms out to lunch on "indoor voices" request
Chicago-based correspondent Jodi Wilgoren's story in yesterday's New York Times "At Center of a Clash, Rowdy Children in Coffee Shops," was all over TV last night and is irresistible fodder for commentary.

As the Tribune's Janet Franz reported on Sept. 15, the owner of an Andersonville cafe recently posted a sign on his front window, "Children of all ages have to behave and use their indoor voices when coming to A Taste of Heaven."

From the Times:

But many neighborhood mothers took umbrage at the implied criticism of how they handle their children. Soon, whispers of a boycott passed among the playgroups in this North Side neighborhood, once an outpost of avant-garde artists and hip gay couples but now a hot real estate market for young professional families shunning the suburbs.....

(Elsewhere) in Chicago, parents have denounced Toast, a popular Lincoln Park breakfast spot, as unwelcoming since a note about using inside voices appeared on the menu six months ago. The owner of John's Place, which resembles a kindergarten class at recess in early evening, established a separate "family friendly" room a year ago, only to face parental threats of lawsuits.

Wilgoren quotes Laura Brauer, 40, an angry mother of two who now refuses to go to A Taste of Heaven with her two children:

"I think that the mothers who allow their kids to run around and scream, that's wrong, but kids scream and there is nothing you can do about it. What are we supposed to do, not enjoy ourselves at a cafe?"

My answer:

Yes, you are not supposed to enjoy yourself at a cafe, movie theater or any other public accommodation where your little curtain-climbers and crumb-snatchers are acting up.

You are supposed to place proper supervision above enjoyment when you take the toddlers out. Yeah, it's a pain and it's much more fun to relax and chat in jolly oblivion or "kids will be kids!" resignation as your little hooligans climb interior poles, lie on the floor blocking a line of customers or run "across the room to throw themselves against the display cases," three examples from the Times article.

You are supposed to be mortified when your best efforts at supervision fail, as they will at times.

You are supposed to translate this mortification to your children so that they learn and exhibit proper behavior in such settings.

You are supposed to pack up and leave immediately if your children don't obey such a simple, obvious, necessary demand as "use your inside voices."

I'm not a perfect parent nor are my children perfect children. But I've always considered it a high civic duty not to inflict our imperfections on others any more than is absolutely necessary.

So these Andersonville moms are taking umbrage at the implied criticism of their parenting skills? Maybe they should take a clue instead.

Where do I stand? On the side of the coffee shop owners and childless people but I do really truely appreciate just how difficult controlling a toddler AND having a normal life can be!!!!