Baby Mother

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2008-06-21T19:15:00.002Z

Goodbye

2008-05-23T21:32:00.004Z

I started blogging in 2004. I've switched sites a couple of times and stopped all together a couple of times, but this really is the end.

I want to live my life differently. The internet has it's uses but sucking up my life isn't a great use. I have become reliant on many aspects of the www but really it gives me very little and takes my valuable time.

I have 'met' people who are giving, thoughtful,sincere and great fun through my blog and I hope to continue those relationships in a slightly different way.

But the blogging, it has to go. I'm going to live a richer life, one that I have been wishing for, but hadn't worked out how to achieve. I am figuring it out now and the answer lies within myself. That slow life that I have been bleating on about, there is no room in it for blogging.

I want to learn more about who I am now, as a Mum, a wife, and a woman.

We already live quite a simple life compared to many - we only have one car, we have no debts,we survive on one modest salary, we believe time is more valuable than posessions, but I want to take this to another level and am hoping that it will make us even wealthier in that most valuable of commodities - happiness.

So this is it - farewell I am happily departing. I'll see you all around. Enjoy your lives and take care of yourselves and your families. There's nothing more important.

Cupcakes?

2008-05-23T10:14:00.002Z

I do tend to use the name cupcakes for the little buns we bake, almost weekly. It's such an Americanism though, and I am re-training myself to use the term I grew up using - Fairy cakes. So much more fitting, especially this weeks effort (see above in the title bar) - They are iced using another of my new food colours - this one is named Fuchsia and is just that (again the photo hasn't captured the true colour). They might not be 'perfect' but I totally think that they deserve the name fairy cakes. We have friends visiting this afternoon and more tomorrow, so I don't suppose they will last much more than 24 hours but whilst they are here, they certainly add a little fairy magic to the table!

Gratitude

2008-05-21T21:31:00.003Z

After my last post I received several emails from people who understand my current mood. Ladies who I respect and who's friendship is invaluable (even though one of you I have never met!)

Once again I feel humbled to know such great women (and it's not just because you agree with me! lol).

I have met so many amazing women recently and blogging is a part of that, so that is the reason that I continue to blog -in answer to C's question.

I am starting a gratitude journal to take stock of my life and to help the process mentioned in the last post, ie living a slower and a more present life. This will be a private and hand written journal. Something that I hope for my children to read in years to come. Another way of showing them my love for them, for life and for what is and was important to me.

To kick it off I thought I would share today's 'Things to be grateful for'

* My children
* My husband, who expects nothing from me and appreciates everything I do
* My home and the fact that we have a lovely garden in which the children played all afternoon
* That we live in a beautiful area, surrounded by trees and grass
* For a community where even a trip to the supermarket ends up in a chat with friends, play for the children and meeting new and lovely people
* For being able to afford good food and being able to eat together as a family outside in the sunshine
* For my health - tomorrow I have to spend a portion of the day in hospital, having blood tests and xrays but none of it is major and will be sorted out swiftly

Not bad for a 'boring' old Wednesday. In fact when I look back at every little thing we have done today, it has been amazing. To see Lilly playing with ants (I know a little odd), watering her growing vegetables and playing with other children, to see Daniel playing in sand for the first time, to see the pleasure he got from 'writing' with chalk and to see them giggle together - well today has been the best day yet and just think - tomorrow will be even better!

Housekeeping

2008-05-19T14:34:00.003Z

I have been very busy doing some housekeeping recently. Not only have I done some Spring cleaning, restocked the freezer with home-cooked yummy meals and cleared out our closets.

I have also been doing some other housekeeping, clearing mind clutter and getting rid of stuff in my life that has been holding me back. I have deleted websites from my 'favourites' list that I have been visiting daily out of habit and not because they were particularly useful, interesting or worthy.

The same goes for people, don't get me wrong I'm not about to 'delete' anyone! but I have decided to spend more time pursuing friendships that give me something and less time worrying about those people who suck the very life force from me. You know the type - they are only happy if you are talking about them and really don't give a stuff about you, your life, your family and your dreams.

We are going on holiday soon, you know how it is when you are on holiday - you say to each other "we should always live like this, simplify our lives, stop watching telly and take time to smell the roses and enjoy the wine". Then you come home from holiday, live like that for a week or two and then slowly drift back to old habits, but I really feel ready for some changes in my life. I want to breathe, take time, enjoy my home, family and friends more and concern my life less with irrelevancies.

I am trying to live a simple and slow life. Those four words capture the things I value. To be present in my life. To be driven by the things that I find truly important. To do things I find pleasure in and be with people who make me laugh and smile. To have the strength to follow my heart. To work hard and to be humbled by little things. To feel valuable in what I do. To really treasure each moment in life.

Clearing the cobwebs is good for the soul, and now I feel happier, lighter and ready for some fun.

Cooking Up A Storm

2008-05-16T16:24:00.003Z

I haven't been cooking much lately, what with chickenpox hitting the house and then a house full of visitors and a birthday party last weekend, we have survived on the basics of pasta, pasta, bbqs and a bit more pasta. All very good but today we returned to 'proper' family meals.

We had a lovely dish of left over gammon in a cheesey sauce and had some gorgeous roasted vegetables with it. Very tasty and even Daniel ate some (will blog about Daniel's issues with food another day!)

We also baked some cupcakes today as Lilly wasn't at pre-school and the weather wasn't really good enough for playing in the garden. I can't believe that I have only just discovered Squires food colouring pastes. They are amazing! The cakes in the picture are coloured lilac but have 5 others to try. The colour hasn't come out great on the photos but it is so beautiful. SO much better than those supermarket food colours - I'm addicted now and can't wait to try out the other colours.

Phew

2008-05-13T20:03:00.002Z

The few weeks have been a bit of a blur. Both children have had chickenpox, hubby has been incredibly busy at work and both children have had birthdays. Busy busy times.

This past weekend has been so tiring, not only had we not caught up on the sleep lost last week due to Daniel's pox, but we had Lilly's birthday party and associated stuff. The party went brilliantly, Lilly loved every moment of her special day(s). Lots of friends joined her celebration and she had a ball, she also received an incredible amount of beautiful gifts and was lucky enough to have TWO birthday cakes (one for her party and one for family on her birthday).

I cannot put into words how special Lilly is, she has changed my life, she brightens every day, she is so beautiful that sometimes it is hard to look at her without crying, and she is so very very bright, funny and kind. She also has balls and some of her mother's attitude, but I'm not holding it against her!!! We wanted this birthday to be a special one, once she is at primary school we will scale things down a little but one thing that I always want her to experience is the fun, laughter and love of having your family and friends around you, making each passing year even more special and TWO cakes can't be bad either.

I still haven't managed to get the house straightened after a few days out of routine but Danny has been a little off colour today, very weepy and clingy and is not eating either (always freaks me out, even though I know he'll come back to it when he feel ok again). Today though, I made a decision to take it easy, and enjoy every small moment of the children's day. I took pleasure in their laughter, took the time to feel every little touch , smile or tear. It was (nearly) enough to recharge my batteries. An early night tonight should complete the process and tomorrow we can get ourselves straight again.

Or if the sun shines again we might just fill the paddling pool and play in the grass.

I'm Too Safe

2008-05-08T19:10:00.001Z

This poem sums up how I want to live the rest of my life..............

Warning
by Jenny Joseph

WHEN I AM AN OLD WOMAN I SHALL WEAR PURPLE
With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick the flowers in other people's gardens
And learn to spit

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

Taken from the book
When I Am An Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple

Spring Has Arrived

2008-05-08T08:08:00.003Z

The past few days have been glorious. Sunshine, seeds sprouting everywhere, playing in the garden, meals outdoors - ahhhhh bring on the lemonade and bbqs.

Danny has now developed chickenpox, we knew he would but we could never has guessed how bad he would get it. He is covered and my beautiful boy has sooooo many on his face and head that I want to cry when I look at him.

This picture was taken on day 3 - today is day 4 and there are so many more. Hopefully he has peaked now and things will start to improve. Amazingly, I have managed to stay very calm and not too emotional during this bout of illness (so not like me - I usually lose it at the first sign of a sniffle). I am wondering if my healthy diet and exercise is helping my state of mind. I am feeling very calm right now - life is great. We have a calender full of things happening this summer and our holiday is just around the corner. My body is responding to the exercise and bits that I feared might be destined to be flabby forever are pulling themselves back into place - people always say that you can't get your belly flat again after a c-section (and I have had two) - I'm determined to prove that wrong though and am aiming for a girly 6 pack (you've gotta aim high!) and arms and thighs like Madonna's (not likely).

So as you see, I am on track to a healthy mind and body and with so many exciting things in the pipeline - I'm on a high.

p.s has anyone who reads this ever been on a River Cottage event or course? I love the River Cottage ethos, in my own little way I do my bit - we eat seasonally, organic where possible, dig the local farmers markets and grow a few bits in the garden. I think the day courses and events at River Cottage sound fab but I do wonder if I would be a little out of my depth surrounded by either full on hippy/earth mother types or the opposite more dreadful thought - posh ladies who have nothing better to do than go and meet that lovely Hugh fella. Thoughts and experiences would be most welcome!

Bank Holiday

2008-05-05T20:53:00.002Z

In a few words.......

Fun

Sun

Exercise

Laughs

Planting

Party Planning

Holiday Shopping

Sexy Dress

Sexier Shoes

Fake Tan

Amazing Underwear

Money Spending

Laughs

Cuddles

More Chickenpox Spots

Laughs

Wine

Shocking News

That's enough for three days. Back soon..................

At Last

2008-05-01T15:03:00.002Z

I really don't enjoy tv, dvds and cds made for children. Most of it is insipid, dull and it just numbs my brain so goodness knows what it is doing to the kids.

That was until I discovered They Might Be Giants. I remember them vaguely from a hit in the early nineties but they are now doing children's music and I am so glad we have been saved from the same old stuff. We have purchased Here Come The 123s and will soon be getting Here Come The ABCs. We love it more than the kids for now but they are getting into it just because we go so nuts to the tunes.

It's great - educational but it is music you can actually listen to and not have your brain freeze...

These aren't the great examples but are all I could find right now - have a listen...

Be still

2008-05-01T07:27:00.003Z

Danny is having a bit of a sleep issue at the moment. No idea what is going on but I think it may be poo related, so enough of that subject for now. It's no fun being up in the night but what makes it worse is that once he has gone back to sleep and hubby is snoring next to me, my mind starts to whirl, twirl, run and jump and I just wish it would be still and I could drift back to my fantasyland and not be dwelling on this kind of stuff....

* The tulips on the table need throwing away but I still love their wilted beauty so shall I hang on to them for another day?

* Yoga or aerobics tomorrow?

* Will Lils be back at pre-school (answer NO)

* What low calorie, tasty dish can I cook up for tomorrows dinner

* Why won't Danny eat anything other than jars of baby food and yoghurts right now

* Shall I fake it (tan that is)

* What shall I put in the party bag?

* I am a genius mother getting her an Enchanted cake but just when will I get the chance to pull it all together

* Will the ironing fairy call by tonight (she didn't)

* Will this rain ever end

* Am I going to lose enough weight to wear that dress in four weeks time

* Speaking of that dress - shoes??? Arghhhh

So you see, I'm not having anything like deep meaningful thoughts, I'm not planning how to change the world but this stuff just won't stop in my mind. Go away - I need sleep.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Strange Behaviour

2008-04-28T19:56:00.002Z

I have started doing something very strange recently. I go online shopping, filling my cart with hundred of pounds worth of beautiful goodies only to press the 'empty cart' button and walk away feeling 'almost' totally fulfilled.

I select Paumes Books, go designer shopping at net a porter, dream about beautiful stuff here, here and here and then forget the lot.

It's great I get the kick of shopping and the thrill of knowing that I could have had it but I chose to save my money for fun times with the kids and for something much more practical. It's the shopping version of porn I suppose and I'm addicted.

ONE

2008-04-27T06:07:00.003Z

Daniel was One Year Old last week. He is growing so fast that it scares me, it's also pretty exciting though.

Not only is he totally gorgeous he is developing the most amazing personality. Like his big sister he has a great sense of fun and is quick to laugh and make all around him laugh too.

He is bold and brilliant, fun and cuddly, he smells yummy, makes ladies swoon and makes men laugh at his daring, he can say lots of words and loves his family.

WE LOVE YOU DANNY BOY - our family is complete and you are the icing on the cake. Happy Birthday.

P.s. The reason that this post is late is because Lilly has come down with chicken pox, we knew it was coming and hoped she would get a mild case - it isn't - she has it bad but as usual she is coping well even though the itch drives her to the point of insanity sometimes. She has hundreds and hundreds of spots on the inside as well as the outside - it is awful but if you are going to do something you should do it in grand style and she certainly is.

Yummy

2008-04-14T07:36:00.002Z

I just had a food delivery from the lovely people at Ocado. Whilst putting away all of the yummy stuff I noticed just how beautiful some of the stuff in my cupboards is.

Take a look at these three items - perfect examples of delicious food but not only that, they are also presented in the most beautiful packaging making them a joy to handle, use, eat and enjoy. Why can't eveything be so gorgeous?

What packaging makes you happy? Take a look around today - I'm also loving the Method cleaner I use in the bathroom, the can of my Elnett hairspray and the cardboard of a Dorset Cereal packet - all these small things can really lift my day and make the mundane a little more bearable.

Is it just me?

Putting it all into perspective

2008-04-12T06:29:00.002Z

I always have loads on my mind, infact it's a wonder I ever sleep as my brain is in constant motion thinking and worrying about things. Currently I am worrying about the following (this is just a small sample!!!!).....

a larger than average mastercard bill

the fact that I haven't sown my tomato seeds yet

a misunderstanding with a friend

that I still haven't finalised outfits for a wedding in two weeks time

packing for the trip to the wedding

library books need returning

the possibility of chicken pox

a children's party to plan

the list is actually endless and then I read one of my favourite blogs and realised just how ridiculous all this is. I found this blog when Lilly was a baby, her oldest girl is the same age and I found comfort in the fact that she was expereincing similar things to me. Since then she has moved to Uganda with her husband who is an aid worker and reading this post this morning made me think just how crazy I am to worry about the stuff I do. If you want to take a look clicky here!!!!

I love it

2008-04-08T21:38:00.001Z

My taste, in most things, isn't mainstream. I don't run with the crowd. Even though I look 'average', I feel distinctly 'different'. I love a good freak and Boy George is my favourite 'freak' of all. I can't tell you how much I would have loved to have been at this gig - it is just my thing and even though the sound is terrible on this clip - I can tell the atmosphere in the place was just as you would expect at an intimate gig with George - cool, relaxed, fun and ultimately fab. Heaven - to me!

Go On Take A Peek

2008-04-03T14:08:00.008Z

I posted back in February that decorating and spring cleaning were on the cards. Well, we have made a start and I thought I would share a few pics of my favourite bits of my house with you.

This is our newly red and white lounge. It feels lovely, spacious and clean.

This is our new family motto! To be chanted daily!!!!

This is a peek into our bedroom - how colourful, how Cath Kidston, how much do I love it - LOADS!

This is our new family room - I love it in here. We often sit in here to chat, read and to chill out with Dennis (our fish)

Finally (for now) here is a couple of shots of our newly spring cleaned kitchen..

This corner is especially important - radio and coffee machine - two essentials for every day!!!

That's it for now. Still some rooms to do - children's rooms both need some attention and then the conservatory and then the big one - the garden, which needs lots and lots of TLC. Keep popping by for more pics as we work our way through the house. x

Bags of Fun

2008-03-26T21:48:00.002Z

Tonight I put my Christmas pressie (sewing machine) and birthday pressies (sewing book and gorgeous Cath Kidston fabrics) to good use and made myself a tote bag.

I made a few errors along the way but generally I am very chuffed indeed. I will be using it on my next shopping trip - let's hope it can hold up to the job.

Happy Easter

2008-03-22T15:53:00.001Z

I won't be around for a few days. Too busy stuffing myself silly with chocolate eggs - back next week after a rest with renewed vigour and a larger waist.

Beautiful Book

2008-03-21T18:25:00.002Z

This gorgeous book is a part of my Birthday gifts. It is a visually stunning book, it is about one of my favourite subjects (home and family) and is just lovely in every way. It even smells good, do you know what I mean? It isn't a glossy book - the pages have that wonderful 'booky' smell an d I just can't wait to sit down with a glass of wine and devour its pages.

Part of the introduction describes the book like this......

"Our home life can have a huge impact on who we are; as adults it affects our daily lives and moods, and for children it influences the kind of people they will become."

If that speaks to you - go buy this book - it's dreamy.

The Luckiest Woman Alive

2008-03-17T20:46:00.003Z

Well, today is my birthday. It's not something that I was looking forward to particularly as I am approaching THE BIG ONE at high speed now and it is just not funny.

Although, I did have the loveliest day ever today. Firstly I spent two hours in bed with my gorgeous family. I was smothered with kisses, jumped on, cuddled, dribbled on and given fabulous gifts. The perfect morning.

I then received more phone calls and text messages than I though possible and the lovely man from Ocado arrived with my croissants.

After a very lovely morning of hanging out in my pjs and getting a visit from my sis in law, we went out for lunch.

The kids were fab as usual (although Danny boy is getting rather vocal for posh venues - luckily we were having pizza!)

After a spot of shopping we came home to chill. A constant procession of friends and family arrived all afternoon, which was lovely. I received so many gorgeous gifts and am just overwhelmed by how fab my mates are. Several of them had made a super special effort to seek out my most favourite things and I feel so lucky to have these wonderful women as my friends.

The children are now in bed and I am about to look at some beautiful books that I received today, I have drunk far too wine today and eaten more food than is decent but hey it's my birthday and old birds like me deserve a treat.

To all my lovely friends and family - thank you - I love you all and feel truly blessed to have you in my life! Cheers!!!!

Pretty

2008-03-15T14:38:00.003Z

It is my birthday very soon and although I don't get very excited these days (stopped counting them 8 years ago!), I have taken the opportunity to buy a few special things for myself recently.

A huge pile of beautiful books should be arriving at the door next week, a very lovely parcel from a local contemporay home accessory shop should also be with me early next week but today Mr Postie brought me these lovelies. Apparently they are 1950's Dutch coffee cups but all I know is that they are very lovely, make me feel all spring like and make me want to find uses for them.

I love beautiful things and am very lucky to be surrounded by gorgeousness every day. What more could I ask for?

Spring Cleaning Fever

2008-03-14T14:31:00.003Z

It's official. Spring Cleaning is beginning. My housekeeping box is stocked and ready to follow me everywhere as I get into all those nooks and crannies. It's lovely. I love how a room feels after a good spring clean, It almost sparkles and gleams at you.

My Spring Cleaning follows quite a long drawn out process and will take me several weeks to complete but as they say if a job's worth doing it's worth doing well.

I have started with de-cluttering. Approx 6 bin bags of stuff have already left the house to various charity shops and recycling centres and there is still more to clear. This is such an important step - you can't clean properly if there is clutter.

Then each room needs to cleaned in a methodical manner starting at the ceiling and ending with floorboards.

All cupboards will be emptied and restocked, discarding along the way.

I will be starting the BIG CLEAN next week and will put my step by step process on here as I go. C'mon clean along with me!!! I don't want to be alone and we can be all smug together in a months time when our houses gleam and wink at us.

But first...... more decluttering. I still have several rooms to do - children's rooms and half of the conservatory and then I'll be ready to start. Crack out the rubber gloves we're going in...............

EDIT - I am working on a new blogging project which will appear soon, therefore the spring cleaning plan won't appear here as there will be a new home for that kind of thing. IF you still want to clean along with me - message me and I can email my daily plan direct to you.

Friends

2008-03-10T19:09:00.002Z

Just two quotes for now.........

Friends are like stars - You don't always see them but you know they are there

Friends are like bras - close to your heart and always there for support.

Take your pick.

That is all.

I'm having a think

2008-03-08T10:20:00.003Z

I am reading a lovely book called Tuesday with Morrie. It is the kind of book that makes you want to change things in your life and see what is important a little more clearly.

This quote from the book kind of sums stuff up ....

"So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half asleep, even when they are busy doing things they think are important. This is because they're chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning."

This is so true and also so sad that there are so many lonely people living in our community, people who think they are living a great life but in actual fact are pretty empty. Money seems to be king for so many people and I wonder where they would be if the house, the car and the salary disappeared overnight.

If they don't have anything else, anything bigger, anything deeper to give them faith, love and hope then really they have nothing.

Recently, I have been bleating on about how tired I am and how hard I have been finding having two children. I have now gotten over myself and have reassessed lots of things in my life.

I really am taking stock - the book I mentioned above is basically the words of wisdom of an old man who is about to die (I know it doesn't sound like a right riveting read - but believe me it's great). His advice to a young man is to take a long look at yourself and your life and if today was your last day on earth - how would you feel about that?

Would you check your emails instead of playing with your baby? Would you take that phone call from work rather than finger paint with your toddler? Would you spend time wallowing in celebrity news rather than asking your neighbour how they are today? are you doing what is right?and do you now realise what the most important thing in life is - LOVE.

Eggcellent

2008-03-07T07:28:00.002Z

As I have been saying, things have taken a real turn around these parts recently. Not only am I rediscovering the joys of homecooking and am taking my housework to a new level of bliss but I have recently started being a bit crafty too.

Not only have I been making decorations, teaching myself some crochet, and taking part in some international gift swapping (I am currently buying gifts for a buddhist, vegan man in Brazil - no joke!!!!) I have also been trying to learn how to sew. I am not at all talented at this kind of thing but I am so interested in teaching myself new skills. Yesterday I completed my very first items. The pictured egg cosies above. Now, I know they are a little big and a little wonky but they do look so cute when all lined up together and our Easter breakfast table will look lovely with them keeping our eggs warm. I showed them to Lilly this morning and she kissed me and said "thank you for making those Mummy". I feel very proud of myself and things can only improve with practice.

I'll be opening my own cottage business before you know it - anyone want a dress running up?

It's all about ME!!!!!

2008-03-03T19:58:00.002Z

By it's very nature blogging is very self centred - but today I really have been thinking about ME.

Two things happened today that made me think about myself.

Firstly I bumped into an old friend, I worked with her more than 10 years ago (we also did a far bit of partying). It was a real surprise to see her locally as the last time I saw her was in Slough. I worked with her for a relatively short amount of time (about 2 years) but during that time we knew so much about each other - we shared our lives, we worked hard together and we played hard together and we shared stuff. You know, we talked about our families, our feelings, our relationships.

Later I was talking to another friend who I have known for about 4 years and talking to her I realised that we share very little. Yes we are friends, yes we talk, but during our conversation I became aware that she knew nothing about me really. Nothing about my deepest feelings, nothing about my past. She made a comment about her being defined by her career and that she wasn't really a homebody like me. At this point I realised that I have never spoken AT ALL about my previous professional life to any of my recently made friends.

Why is this? Why is it that I used to share so much of myself with my friends (and still do with those same people) but my recently made friends know nothing much about what makes me tick?

What is it that holds me back? Or is it that my newer relationships are based on something different and I don't feel the need to open my heart.

If you think you are one of the people mentioned above - and you are now worried that we have shared too much or too little - don't worry that's not what this post is about. I have no desire to start bleating on about past achievements. What intrigues me is why I am so different now. Why is it that all that people now know of me is my children. Is that who I am now? Have I stopped sharing of myself because all I am is my children - I don't think so, I am sure I am still the same person I was - with just as much to give to a friendship.

I need to look deep inside myself and maybe I need to tweak a few things.

Blimey, It really is all about meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

I'm a Mum!!!

2008-03-02T20:19:00.002Z

I said I'm a Mum - I'm a Mum of two.

How can it be?

This is me.

I am the girl who once said that her dream job was a 'pole dancer' and that's nothing to do with getting my groove on in Poland. I'm the girl who would be at every party and always be the last to leave - that was me!

I am the girl who lived in an area that saw me at the wrong end of a gun and had almost daily threats of violence aimed at me.

I am the girl who grew up a little and decided she wanted to start a family and whose baby didn't come along as planned.

I am the girl who went through ten years of heartache and thinking I would never be called Mummy.

I am now a different person, I live in a beautiful area in a beautiful home with my lovely hubby and my TWO children. I am a housewife and am living the life that I always wanted.

I am so lucky and today I am so very grateful to HIM for my family and the happiness they have brought into my life.

Oh, and by the way - there is still a bit of me that would LOVE to pole dance.

Happy Days

2008-02-27T15:24:00.003Z

Danny Boy is still ill, poor little thing looks terrible but is actually quite bright on himself and had another great nights sleep despite coughing his way though it.

The kids and I took a walk in the sunshine today (to the chemist to pick up drops for his gunked up eyes) and it was lovely. Nature is bursting into life everywhere. On our walk we collect some sticks which we cam home and painted white. We then got busy finding sping/easter items to dangle from the twigs. We are going to add lots more things during the coming weeks.

It was a lovely thing to do and the result is lovely and keeps making me smile everytime I walk into the room. Lilly loves the chicks around the base best and is calling them her friends (!)

So although things are yucky with a sick boy and miles of snot streaming from his nose and gallons of gunk pouring from his bloodshot eyes, I have actually maintained a sunny dispostion. How could you not on such a beautiful day? From where I am sat right now I can see my little girl playing Barbie, a vase full of tulips, washing blowing on the line, a tree full of pink blossom and our Easter 'tree' - fab! Days like this are good.

Spring, Bounce and Loadsa Snot

2008-02-26T13:27:00.002Z

My poor baby is in a bad way. He has a stinking cold, is full of snot which is making him be sick, is teething like a demon and has conjunctivitis. He has also taken a couple of tumbles and has two bumps on his head. Poor little monkey. He is very emotional and clingy but also the freaky thing is he slept ALL NIGHT LONG for the first time ever. Not so sure tonight will be so pleasant though.

Whilst he took a nice two hour nap yesterday afternoon, I decided to start my spring cleaning with gusto. Wow - I only worked for about an hour but managed to fill enough bin bags to fill the boot of the car. My parents have just taken it all away to the recycling centre - so the house is taking a sigh of relief as it breathes a little easier.

I am about to attack another room right now and have an action plan ready for March. This is all part of my new 'clean start'. If you know me you know how much I love my home but I really feel it needs a little love and attention to bring it back to it's full glory and that is what I am about to do.

I will post some pictures of each room during March as they are completed to show just how shiny everything is.

Gotta dash - there's a cupboard that needs straightening!!!!!

I LOVE lists

2008-02-20T22:41:00.004Z

How I love this cute little card organiser application. It is just the geeky kind of thing that makes my day - see it doesn't take much to please me.

Look at the things on it though - how homespun, how housewifely, how lovely.

I have been through a bit of an emotional time of late, battling and trying to share myself between a boy who wants to find trouble, a girl who craves her mummy's attention and a desire to be the 'perfect' housewife. I think have sorted all these issues now and am tackling things from a new angle - lets hope it works.

You see I love being a Homemaker. It brings me joy.

I don't spend my time dreaming up new ways to 'make house' because I think I should, I do it because it's something that I love and want to do well, for me and for my family.

I don't want to offend anyone when I say this but I don't care if people think what I do is right or wrong, worthwhile or purely old fashioned, it really doesn't matter to me because I know that what I do actually enables me to work toward being who I want to be and how I want my family to be.

Lists are a big part of this life and just seeing all those gorgeous homey things to do makes me realise how happy and lucky I am to be doing exactly what I should be doing and although at present things aren't picture book perfect - I am enjoying working towards it.

Ok ok ok

2008-02-06T15:20:00.000Z

I feel a complete wreck. My body is not exactly in peak condition, I think having babies in your thirties is tough on a body which is not quite as firm and supple as it once was.

I sometimes feel myself moaning about my back, my feet, my neck and I bore myself - I don't want to feel like this anymore.

SO that's it as of this minute I am on a training program. I will be wearing shorts on holiday *gulp* that is only 4 months away. Ok I mean business - I WILL work out three times a week and mini eggs are now banned.

Look out there is a six pack waiting to burst out. I'm off for a glass of water and a handful of vitamins - bring it on.

To all my friends and family who read this blog - PLEASE help me. If you see me stray remind me of Davina McCalls abs and she has had three kids and is older than me - I can do this, just keep me away from all the good stuff until I get this old body under control.

A Walk In The Park

2008-01-21T21:18:00.000Z

Today the kids and I took a walk and do you know what I realised - life is getting easier and every day is now enjoyable and fun rather than just 12 hours that we have to reach the end of. It is no longer a trial getting out of the house, our routines run like clockwork (well a clock that loses a few minutes occasionally) and I seem to have a handle on keeping some kind of balance to the day.

D Boy is now crawling and I remember that this was the point that I REALLY started to enjoy the Princess. Instead of just crying for you they can come and find you and instead of waiting for entertainment they go find it. Constantly. It's great fun and I love hearing the little patter of him crawling into the kitchen to wave 'hi' and suck on a plastic spoon.

I have just been watching a documentary about Jackie Clune and her 4 kids and I am pleased to say I am counting my blessings and filled with admiration for her and her partner. Can you imagine having a 2 year old AND triplets. Amazing.

I love Jackie anyway, she is a really clever, talented woman if you haven't ever seen or heard her you should - we were lucky enough to see her in Taboo in the west end and she blew me away, but the way her and her partner cope with their kids is inspirational and make me realise just how darn easy my life actually is.

Cabbage leaves, rain and cappuccinos

2008-01-15T13:15:00.000Z

It is pouring today but I have had a lovely day so far.

Two friends have unexpectedly called by for a coffee and a bit of a natter. The boy is doing great - he no longer breastfeeds and although yesterday I was in agony, today the pain seems a little better (thank goodness for hubby's mercy dash at 9pm for a cabbage). He is drinking his milk from a cup and eating like a horse - he is growing visibly by the day (a little like those chickens Jamie and Hugh showed us last week)and is growing up fast *sobs*

The princess is great and again is growing daily, I left her and her friend playing computer at pre-school today. They looked so grown up and happy together *sigh*

During a very interesting conversation, a friend just described George Clooney as a cappuccino and I have to agree, he does look just like one. I could quite do with a caffeine fix right now! Strange really as I don't really 'go' for handsome men. My usual taste in men runs to wild men, drag queens, rockers and freaks but maybe I am growing more demure in my old age. Nah - Russell Brand still rocks my world.

Anyhow, it's been a very nice morning and I also have visitors this afternoon so I had better go and get the coffee on.

Breast Get It Over With

2008-01-13T18:08:00.000Z

My baby no longer wants to breastfeed, not sure why - teeth? the pain killers I am on? Who knows!

This morning though he drained a cup full of formula milk, not sure if that was because of extreme thirst (he only had 2ozs before bed the previous night) or if he is telling us that he no longers requires my boobs.

So, we're on the cusp stopping the breastfeeding completely. If bedtime is a success tonight (in about 15 mins time) that will be it - no more breast milk - if he refuses the formula then who knows.....

Dan's world is expanding, and mine is shrinking.

I am very sad that this part of our relationship is coming to an end. It signifies that my baby is growing up very fast.

I adore breastfeeding, I love the primal physicality of growing a life and nurturing it, of nourishing my child and make him strong. I love that there is something that I can do for my child that NO-ONE else can do, I love the closeness and the bond it has created between us.

It is such a privilege, for which I will always be grateful. I will have no more children and so will never experience this again.

I will cherish this special time that I have shared with my children and remember the feeling for the rest of my life.

New Year

2008-01-08T10:06:00.001Z

These beautiful tulips were bought for us by friends and make me smile all day long - they promise that Spring is on it's way. It seems an awful long way off, especially with the rain pelting against the window as I type.

I don't know if it is the new year or the thought of the spring but I am itching to redecorate. Paint, colours, fabrics and flowers are filling my mind. I feel like a change of style - nothing major just some new colours and touches. I'm feeling like a fresh start. Mmmmmm ideas are whizzing around but for today the tulips will do.

So, how was it for you?

2007-12-30T20:57:00.000Z

We have had a lovely time, after weeks of planning, cooking, buying, wrapping and decorating - everything happened and went beautifully. New traditions were started, much food was eaten, Santa brought all the perfect toys and we were with family and friends - perfect. Apart from the kids being crook but hey you can't have it all.

We are so lucky to receive all the gifts we did but where are we going to put all this new stuff! Our house is modest but not tiny but it's not a tardis either and something will have to give if we are to fit it all in. Three bin bags of toys have already made their way to a charity shop and there will be more to follow.

I love Christmas decorations, candles and glitz.

But now that Christmas is over, it just looks like clutter and is just something else to dust. I am craving clear empty surfaces.

Aaah, the scent of Christmas candles!

But the smell is making me nauseous, we had one lit all afternoon today and I am offically sick of the smell of spices, pine and gingerbread. I'm looking to Spring and the smell of clean washing, fresh from the line, of daffodils and the fragrance of cold winter walks on my babies' cheeks.

I am craving space and cleanliness, I am craving a fresh start, the New Year and all the good stuff it will bring.

We still have too much food in the house, friends came over today and helped make a small dent in the food mountain but we still have to plough through tons more. I feel like I might burst and all I desire now is fresh fruit, fresh veg and gallons of water.

I can't bring myself to throw good food away, so looks like Tony's work colleagues will be getting a whole lot of chocolate some time soon.

Tomorrow is New Years Eve. Bring it on I say - I'm ready for you and am very excited at the prospect of doing some stuff differently in 2008 - I hope for lots of things in the coming months but mostly just to make life more simple and enjoy every moment as I now realise just how lucky I am.

New Year Resolutions

2007-12-20T09:26:00.000Z

Ok, so we haven't even had Christmas yet and I'm now on to New Year, I am still formulating my resolutions but here are a few to start with....

1. Make a will

2. Limit internet use - no computer between 9am and 5pm

3. Lose a stone in weight - I will be Kate Moss by Summer (without the drugs and dodgy boyfriends!)

4. Drink 2 litres of water EVERY day

5. Do some exercise

6. One load of washing and ironing EVERY DAY, this way I won't be in fear of the mega tower of ironing I currently have.

7. Ok and here is the big one - get driving. I don't even know where my licence is at the moment but I will make moves towards getting mobile.

8. Chill out and enjoy every day instead of worrying about tomorrow

There will be more.....................

Mistletoe and Wine

2007-12-19T12:28:00.000Z

What happened to mistletoe? Is it indicative of my life that I no longer see any. In previous years I couldn't keep away from the stuff and would be able to sneak a crafty snog with anyone I fancied - these days I never see the stuff. Is there a link between this and the amount of wine I drink/have previously drunk over the festive season? Mmmmmm or is it that no one is waving it near me these days? I feel a little depressed at that.

Sleep

2007-12-06T09:14:00.000Z

Sleep has been very elusive around these parts recently. D Boy has been a real terror waking 6 or so times a night - at my advanced age this is no good - I just can't function on so little sleep. It's not just his wakings it's the fact that I can't then get back to sleep and then am on the go all day long too. I was beginning to fade but then last night the little beauty went from 6.30pm until 7am with just one waking at 2am for a feed. I don't feel any less tired yet but a few of those in a row would be very nice. Mmmmm what will tonight bring??? I will try to feed him up on potatoes and cheese today to see if that will help.

The princess is doing marvellous, she is busy practicing for her nativity play (a star don't you know - her twinkling is astounding ;) ) and we are all feeling very very festive. Childrens gifts are now all wrapped and I am not going to buy anything else for them. All other gifts are purchased and will be wrapped before the end of the weekend. Cards are now posted and I have placed my food order so now all I have to do is have a glass of sherry and a cherry liquer chocolate and watch my kids enjoy this special time of year.

I love lighting the candles of an evening, playing the christmas music and filling the house with the scent of cinnamon and pine (candles mainly!). We get the tree on Saturday and plan to spend all afternoon throwing bling onto it. I used to be very anal about the tree and it's colour scheme - now I just say go for it and throw all the shiny colourful things I can find at it.

I have always loved this time of year, but having TWO children in the house makes me so very thankful for what we now have and so very happy indeed.

Off for a bop to Jingle Bells with my boy!!!

HOLIDAY UPDATE

2007-11-29T09:39:00.000Z

It's offical we are all booked. First 4 days with Mickey Mouse and friends in Paris and then home for a day then off to our favourite farm in Cornwall for lots of horse riding, cream teas, egg collecting, sandcastle building and above all fun. Woohoo.

Holiday

2007-11-26T15:25:00.001Z

Our Cottage,
originally uploaded by Kazza, Mizzo, Lils and Daniel.

We have booked half of our holiday for next summer.

After much thought and changing the destination numerous times we have eventually decided to holiday in this country. We have booked the same cottage that we stayed in last September and we are all really excited already. It is on a fab farm and in a beautiful location with loads for the children to do. Perfect.

As I said this is half of the holiday, the other half should be booked by the end of the week and includes a trip on a train, a mouse and lots and lots of princesses - any guesses???

This is all so exciting as we are currently having a rotten time with colds, fevers, sickness and infections so having something to look forward to helps take us out of the bleurghhhhhh.

It's an awful long time 'til summer though, so am perking myslef up with the thought of buying our Christmas tree and getting some blinging lights going!!!

Bleurghhhhhh

2007-11-24T08:47:00.000Z

I have barely left the house in a week. There has been so much snot and vomit that I felt I might drown at one point! The Princess still isn't well and now D Boy has it too - arghhhhh.

We have been lucky that he hadn't got ill before this point to be honest but he is doing it in style now. Snot and sick are still featuring highly on the daily agenda.

We were planning on booking our summer holiday today, it remains to be seen if we are able to drag two ill kids to the high street or whether we spend ANOTHER day holed up in the house.

I feel like my world has shrunk and it will be weird to go out and mix with other humans again - it's been that long.

Fingers crossed they both recover quickly or we all might just go out of our minds............

Thanks

2007-11-23T08:16:00.000Z

In honour of American Thanksgiving Day, I'm thankful for....

My babies

My friends and family

Calpol

The internet and internet shopping (see below)

Ocado - food shopping done and will be delivered to the door on Christmas eve

Baby breath

Kisses

Gingerbread lattes

Sky+

My new Christmas cd

My organic fruit and veg box

Tassimo

Crafty

2007-11-12T22:51:00.000Z

I have just spent the past three hours making Christmas tree ornaments. That's right - ME - making stuff.

Ok, so I'm not very good, but it has been loads of fun and I can't wait to do more.

I have enrolled myself in a holiday ornament swap. Which is basically as follows..

Hand make 10 tree ornaments

Receive a list of 10 people scattered around the world

Package up your ornaments and send them off to your 10 names

Wait, drink egg nog and Mr Postie will turn up at the door with 10 beautiful handmade ornaments from around the globe to hang on my tree.

Ohhhhh Exciting!!!

I pity the poor people who end up with my effort but at least the thought is there and they are made with love.

I will post a picture soon but the six I made tonight are really just test pieces, I hope to improve my skills for the ones I send out.

What's going on with me? I'll be entering cooking competitions next - oh yes that's right it's all going Martha Stewart around here.

What's Crackalackin ?

2007-11-09T21:47:00.001Z

Not so much really.

Last night I was in my bed ASLEEP for six, yes six, solid hours. Maybe we are turning a corner. I'm not feeling any better though, I am still preoccupied with my age, my incredibly sore neck, my lost youth and my less than perky body parts. It's all very self indulgent and I should really pull myself together and think myself lucky etc etc

Believe me, I know just how lucky I am. My kids are amazing, beautiful - yadda yadda yadda.

I was discussing with a friend today how I am feeling ready to pull back a little part of the old me. It's fabulous being a Mummy but it's also pretty darn cool being Kazza, so sometime soon I will re-emerge from my cocoon of mummydom and hit the world full on again.

I'm not sure I will ever be the same girl who danced on tables 'til dawn, was always the last to leave, who was always one step ahead of the trends, who sipped champagne on the house beacause 'management' wanted girls like us there BUT I can be a bit more 'me' and so soon the transformation will begin. First step in the transformation will be to sort this old body out. I would like to say that I will be Kate Moss thin by Christmas but this is unlikely, it's a starting place though and slowly but surely next year my other resolutions MIGHT fall into place.

In other news, I have bought a memory foam pillow to help my aching neck - it's like sleeping on a breeze block but hey it might work.

Tomorrow is a day packed with ballet, visiting and shopping at Hobbycraft, yep it's all rock and roll around here - it might take a while for the old me to make a reappearance!!!

This looks cool by the way, in a geeky list making kind of way - ask my husband I am THE queen of to do lists.

Too Funny

2007-10-30T20:34:00.000Z

So very cool

2007-10-25T08:28:00.001Z

The music is ok, the dancing is just about passable, they hype is - well hype but the Take That fellas are looking amazing. Their style is great right now and in fact I am off to M&S right now to have a bit of a drool over the instore graphics. Sad I know, but if you are female and under 50 you'll get it!

When will I learn?

2007-10-24T17:26:00.000Z

I should trust my instincts. For some reason I have gotten myself in a complete mix with regards to Daniels feeding schedule.

I remember when the Princess was weaning that I fed her solids and finished each meal with a milk feed. This worked perfectly.

So why on earth have I been listening to the likes of Annabel Karmel (in book form, she hasn't been popping by!) who advocate giving solids at meal times and milk feeds mid morning and mid afternoon. This seemed totally crazy to me as you are always either givng solids or milk every couple of hours and so of course baby is not going to have a good appetite for either one.

I called into see our Health Visitor today who confirmed that my instinctive way is the preferable way and that it should work out for the best all round - after all we are trying to teach Dan to eat like a fully paid up member of the family who eats three meals a day not someone who is wanting something every few hours - this can only lead to a fatty in the long run.

So from tomorrow I will revert to our orginal plan of three meals a day two of which are followed by a drink of milk, one with a cup of water and milk twice a day on it's own (morning and night)

I so wish I would listen to myself sometimes as I did a pretty good job with the Princess and if I follow a similar pattern with D Boy we can hopefully expect equally good things.

Phewwww - now I can relax until the next issue arrives on the horizon - actually it already has - we need him to drop his 3am feed for my sanity if nothing else. Wish us luck....................

More ramblings..

2007-10-13T19:48:00.000Z

The boy is now 25 weeks old. Still longer in there than out here. How strange, as it seems he has been in our family always.

My head is all over the place. I feel the urge to escape from everyone to find some precious space but I lack the energy to do anything about it. I dream guiltlessly of a day alone, to do exactly what I want to when I choose, without thinking of others first or fulfilling chores. I'd wear only pjs or slouchy clothes and gorge myself on much-missed books and tunes. I'd go out for coffee and read the paper thoroughly and silently. I would go shopping and regain my previous passion for fashion instead of the mummy uniform of tshirt and jeans I have fallen into wearing daily. I'd sleep, oh yes, I would sleep lots and I wouldn't have to have one eye open and one ear listening for what might be.

Best of all I'd miss them all and would recapture that aching sense of love, infact in writing this paragraph I have realised that I'm not yet ready for time away from my babies but I'm building up to it and slowly formulating a plan for next year - all I have to decide is spa or west end rave up and I will finally emerge from this mummy cocoon as me again.

I have been thinking (in the early hours, sat in darkness, feeding the boy) about my life.

I have birthed two beautiful babies

I have had two major abdominal surgeries (see above, just 'cos c-section is common doesn't make it any less major)

I have endured heart-break of the sort I never imagined possible and certainly considered intolerable, and come out smiling.

I had 10 years of infertility and all the stuff that goes with that (talk about your head being a mess let alone any other part of you)

I have worked hard at all the jobs I had and excelled (modest eh?) at all of them

I have lived and worked in very difficult circumstancs, had daily threats of violence and been at the end of a gun during an armed robbery

I have socialised with people who choose an alternative lifestyle to me (ambiguous I know but details not necessary!)

In spite of all of the above, six months without a full nights sleep is without doubt the hardest experience I have ever known.

After saying all of the above, I watched the Princess at ballet today and was filled with pride at my beautiful, clever, elegant girl as she danced her way (almost) perfectly around the room. I listened as she held a conversation with another adult, independent of me and how she expressed herself so wonderfully.

The boy now has two teeth and is becoming a cheeky, funny little boy who loves company and enjoys a party (sound familiar?).

I love them both so much that I feel I could burst but sometime soon, I have to become me again instead of 'just' Mummy. This doesn't mean I am thinking of going back to work - far from it! but there is a little bit of me that wonders where I will be in five years time. What will life bring me and my little family, I hope whatever is ahead of us will be exciting and bring the kids happiness, this is all waffle to you I know but there is stuff in my head and plans are being formulated.....

The C word

2007-10-03T20:40:00.000Z

OK, so it can't be avoided any longer.

Christmas is approaching - fast.

Now I know most people groan and say that it's ages away but it will be here in the blink of an eye. Family members have already declared their intentions, my Christmas saving fund will be in my hand in two weeks time, I have done about half of all my pressie shopping and I have just booked a time for Lilly's visit to see Santa Christmas (as he is known in these parts). I know it seems early but it is going to be a popular place to meet the big man and it seems silly to miss out on an ideal date.

I for one love the whole festive season. I am very sad and have a 'control journal' in which I can prepare myself for the big day. I have set weekly tasks from now until The end of November so that December can be a relaxing time with my family - with no stress and having to trawl the shops - I want to be able to spend my December doing fun things with the kids not running around like a crazed person.

I can't believe that this year we will be a family of four. I never thought it could happen, but this year will be even more magical than last year because of our extra little star.

Ok, so you might not be as into it as me and I promise not to mention it again until December but just so you know - I'm excited and it's a whirl of planning and excitiment in my head.

Childhood

2007-09-03T06:44:00.000Z

We are just about to enter a new phase. We are about to start applying for a primary school place for the princess and she is moving up a group at her preschool. So, education is foremost in our minds right now.

The Princess soaks up knowledge and her favourite phrase at the mo is "tell me all about that" - which means she wants the whole picture on a subject not just a snippet of info.

I try really hard to give her access to as many experiences and as much knowledge as she wants and on a daily basis I struggle with my desire to pump this little sponge with more and more knowledge - phonic sounds, dinosaurs and the planets are our current favs BUT I also believe in my heart that children should just be children and they should just play play play and pick up knowledge through experience. I am trying hard to balance this.

I found the following at www.magicalchildhood.com and I nodded my way through it ...

Have a read and see if you agree.....

What should a 4 year old know?

I was on a parenting bulletin board recently and read a post by a mother who was worried that her 4 1/2 year old did not know enough. "What should a 4 year old know?" she asked.
Most of the answers left me not only saddened but pretty soundly annoyed. One mom posted a laundry list of all of the things her son knew. Counting to 100, planets, how to write his first and last name, and on and on. Others chimed in with how much more their children already knew, some who were only 3. A few posted URL's to lists of what each age should know. The fewest yet said that each child develops at his own pace and not to worry.
It bothered me greatly to see these mothers responding to a worried mom by adding to her concern, with lists of all the things their children could do that hers couldn't. We are such a competitive culture that even our preschoolers have become trophies and bragging rights.
Childhood shouldn't be a race.
So here, I offer my list of what a 4 year old should know.
1. She should know that she is loved wholly and unconditionally, all of the time.
2. He should know that he is safe and he should know how to keep himself safe in public, with others, and in varied situations. He should know that he can trust his instincts about people and that he never has to do something that doesn't feel right, no matter who is asking. He should know his personal rights and that his family will back them up.
3. She should know how to laugh, act silly, be goofy and use her imagination. She should know that it is always okay to paint the sky orange and give cats 6 legs.
4. He should know his own interests and be encouraged to follow them. If he could care less about learning his numbers, his parents should realize he'll learn them accidentally soon enough and let him immerse himself instead in rocket ships, drawing, dinosaurs or playing in the mud.
5. She should know that the world is magical and that so is she. She should know that she's wonderful, brilliant, creative, compassionate and marvelous. She should know that it's just as worthy to spend the day outside making daisy chains, mud pies and fairy houses as it is to practice phonics. Scratch that-- way more worthy.
But more important, here's what parents need to know.
1. That every child learns to walk, talk, read and do algebra at his own pace and that it will have no bearing on how well he walks, talks, reads or does algebra.
2. That the single biggest predictor of high academic achievement and high ACT scores is reading to children. Not flash cards, not workbooks, not fancy preschools, not blinking toys or computers, but mom or dad taking the time every day or night (or both!) to sit and read them wonderful books.
3. That being the smartest or most accomplished kid in class has never had any bearing on being the happiest. We are so caught up in trying to give our children "advantages" that we're giving them lives as multi-tasked and stressful as ours. One of the biggest advantages we can give our children is a simple, carefree childhood.
4. That our children deserve to be surrounded by books, nature, art supplies and the freedom to explore them. Most of us could get rid of 90% of our children's toys and they wouldn't be missed, but some things are important-- building toys like legos and blocks, creative toys like all types of art materials (good stuff), musical instruments (real ones and multicultural ones), dress up clothes and books, books, books. (Incidentally, much of this can be picked up quite cheaply at thrift shops.) They need to have the freedom to explore with these things too-- to play with scoops of dried beans in the high chair (supervised, of course), to knead bread and make messes, to use paint and play dough and glitter at the kitchen table while we make supper even though it gets everywhere, to have a spot in the yard where it's absolutely fine to dig up all the grass and make a mud pit.
5. That our children need more of us. We have become so good at saying that we need to take care of ourselves that some of us have used it as an excuse to have the rest of the world take care of our kids. Yes, we all need undisturbed baths, time with friends, sanity breaks and an occasional life outside of parenthood. But we live in a time when parenting magazines recommend trying to commit to 10 minutes a day with each child and scheduling one Saturday a month as family day. That's not okay! Our children don't need Nintendos, computers, after school activities, ballet lessons, play groups and soccer practice nearly as much as they need US.
They need fathers who sit and listen to their days, mothers who join in and make crafts with them, parents who take the time to read them stories and act like idiots with them. They need us to take walks with them and not mind the .1 MPH pace of a toddler on a spring night. They deserve to help us make supper even though it takes twice as long and makes it twice as much work. They deserve to know that they're a priority for us and that we truly love to be with them.

Added to this I have been reading about Steiner Schools and I must admit I like their approach to schooling. Melinda Messenger moved house to be close to one of these schools as she didn't like the pressure put on her son in mainstream schools to conform at a given time to a given skill.

Food for thought.

I Love This Boy

2007-08-27T19:19:00.001Z

22/365,
originally uploaded by Kazza, Mizzo, Lils and Daniel.

He gets more beautiful every day. How did we get so lucky?

I'm not getting much sleep

2007-08-26T18:56:00.000Z

For the past 4 months I feel like I have hardly slept, but it doesn't seem to matter once 7am rolls around. Danny's wind stops and he is suddenly awake. Wide awake. With smiles and giggles and rolling back and forth between us and touching us. Then we hear the princess in the next room calling, "Mummeeee Daddeeee!"

And then there we are -the family together snuggling and giggling and smelling of sweet dreams. Of course, then the moaning and the grumbling and nappy changing and incessant chatter and all the rest of the stuff that will fill the next 12 hours starts - but those few moments before the day really begins are magic and make the sleepless night somehow worthwhile.

OK I admit it, I am very very sad

2007-08-22T18:37:00.000Z

I LOVE cleaning, I LOVE decluttering and I LOVE organising.

One of lifes greatest pleasures is seeing a room sparkle and gleam. It makes me happy to be organised and my house to be ordered.

I have been lost for the past three years, I have been unable to keep up with everything and it has driven me a little crazy but I have learned to relax a little and allow the clutter and cobwebs to make a tiny appearance. This is only because I have had no choice in the matter as I have been busy making babies but now I am determined to get a hold on the house again.

I have rejoined Flylady in order to give me some focus. If you haven't heard of Flylady go here and see what I am talking about. It is a cheesy American system of house organisation and cleaning and although it is very 'american' - it works and allows you to keep on top of the house with very little effort once you have done the initial few weeks of prep.

I love Anthea Turner's Perfect Housewife programme and her book is a bit of a constant companion. I aspire to Bree Van de Kamp's perfect home (although maybe not the rest of her life!!) and I am never without my list of chores.

Imagine my joy then to discover 'Method' cleaning products. Wow - non-toxic, natural cleaning products that work brilliantly, smell heavenly and look gorgeous (I keep caressing the bottles!!!). I am in love. Take at look at the little beauties here and get on down to John Lewis to grab yourself some.

My husband was recently asked in all seriousness if I have OCD he laughed at his friend and replied 'no' but maybe there is a little truth there somewhere.

I'm off to mop my floors now..... only joking - *maybe*

August?

2007-08-18T22:30:00.000Z

Is it really summer?

This evening I am chilly and that is whilst sat in the house with all the doors and windows closed. It has been raining again. Today we did a lot of our Christmas shopping (happened across a toy shop that was closing down and had all stock at 50% off) - IT'S AUGUST !!!!!!!

Arghhhhhh.

In the rest of our lives, all is going well. We have just returned from a little break in Cambridgeshire with Tony's parents. The weather was grim but we all had a nice, relaxing time. The princess was great, she had so much fun, was brilliantly well behaved and ate like a horse. The boy was pretty cool too, he smiled through most of the day and kept to his night time routines so that was all good. Today he rolled over from his tummy to back for the first time. It was not intentional on his part and gave him quite a shock but he has rolled - that is the start!!!!

His wind issues continue - we had him to the GP again on Monday. She was a horrible woman who spoke over me, didn't listen to a word I said and made the boy cry by throwing him around and making stupid noises at him. I was furious. I am so concerned by what took us to the surgery in the first place but was basically told to go away. That is now our third visit to GPs with his digestive system and they won't hear me - there is something wrong but they just don't want to find out what. They are just hoping that whatever it is goes away. I am planning on seeing the Health Visitor on Wednesday and if necessary start shouting as I KNOW as his mother that there is something not right and we need to know if we can stop his pain.

Rant over.

Innocence and Independence

2007-08-11T06:49:00.000Z

My friend Emma has recently blogged her thoughts on the Madeline McCann case and how it affects her as a parent. This got me thinking about how we keep our children safe and protected but also fulfill one of our ultimate roles as parents - nuturing an independent and confident child.

I am a very careful (read paranoid) parent, I recently stopped the Princess attended local gym classes as I wasn't happy with the level of care given by the instructors. After watching a session I didn't feel that they were equipped to watch the children adequately and I am just not willing to take any chances at all.

Other than pre-school (in which I have confidence), the Princess is always with me or someone I trust, but terrible things can happen in the blink of an eye. Only the other day we discovered that whilst we had been downstairs blissfully unaware, she had been up on her windowsill - the thoughts of what might have been still make me feel cold.

What about other areas? I'm not sure what to shield my kids from now. Sure there are the obvious things. Certainly, I don't swear in front of them and keep anything inappropriate out of earshot - I need to load Amy Winehouse, Prince and some of my gay tunes on to my I-Pod if I am to listen to it in the next 15 years. I know that hitting "next blog" when she's close by is a definite no-no. I don't allow her to see adult televison including soaps (Eastenders is so vile in it's content)

Obviously, their Internet access will need to be closely monitored as they get older to protect them from pervs and also the limit websites available to them - there is stuff they just don't need to know about anytime soon.

If you know me, you will know I am no prude and that I have certainly 'lived' but I find society today a scary place, there is little respect for others and the boundaries of what is morally and socially acceptable have moved so far away from what I find acceptable. It is the slow decline of manners and morals which I find hardest to grasp - again I blame things like Eastenders for the drip drip effect of changing our perceptions.

It's really overwhelming, the task of shielding our children.With society, television, films (even Disney), video games and the internet filled with violence, drugs, sex, and obscene language, how do we strike a balance between being a hovering parent who shields their eyes and ears from everything and allowing them to see and hear more than they should and becoming fully rounded people?

Really, how do we ever let them out of our sight?

Friday Morning Skive

2007-08-10T07:47:00.000Z

The Princess is at pre-school (dressed as a pirate!) and the Boy is asleep in his swing, I am about to have a coffee and surf the net - bliss!!! The housework can wait. I was up from 4am with the boy moaning and groaning and eating his fists. I think there could be some teething action going on. The Princess had her first tooth through at 20 weeks which is only 4 weeks away so maybe...

I'm not an old hippy

2007-08-07T06:45:00.000Z

and I do believe in 'live and let live' but this week I was shocked by some blatant and in my opinion 'wrong' advertising.

I was browsing through OK magazine, mainly to have a look at Katie Price and Peter Andre's new baby girl (she's adorable by the way) and within the interview Katie talks about the fact that she didn't want to breastfeed as she doesn't "want a baby drinking from me".

Ok, so it's a shame that she doesn't advocate breastfeeding as she is a great role model for young women and attitude like hers doesn't help increase the figures of new mums 'giving it a shot'.

She is perfectly entitled to do what she wants to do (and she always does!!!) but what I found shocking was the product placement of the formula milk she is using, the label aimed squarely at the camera and during the interview she talks of having crates full of the ready made bottles - no doubt in exchange for the photo 'advert'.

It is illegal to avertise formula for babies under six months but when celebrities allow themselves to be used is this manner, the formula companies get around the law.

There is a new call for ALL formula advertising to be banned, which may increase the poor number of women feeding naturally. At present only 25% of women continue feeding beyond six months.

Personally, I think that more help is required for new mums. I have found feeding very difficult this time and could have given up on many occasions but as I had such a good experience first time round, I persevered. Nobody has been there to help me through and Health visitors just seem to say 'keep trying' - not always easy when you are in pain and baby is hungry.

Young women, particularly those from less educated backgrounds and lower incomes need help and education, but sadly whilst role models like Jordan keep up the 'erghhh I don't want a baby hanging from me' attitude, this is going to be an uphill struggle.

Bit Of Both

2007-08-04T07:30:00.000Z

The boy is doing great. He is a real character, very smiley, very chatty and great at blowing bubbles and shouting 'hey'. He is now grabbing toys and shaking them (and then dropping them). All in all he is doing fab.

His weight gain has slowed up dramatically though and has only gained 40z in the past 3 weeks - not so cool.

The health visitor isn't too worried but said to get him weighed again in 3 weeks time and then if things haven't improved it is because he is hungry and needs to be weaned. So it looks like we are just 20 or so days away from baby rice, bibs and mess mess mess. I can't wait to be honest. I know my son and I know that he is going to have his Mummy and Daddy's love of food.

Not sure if I should start to introduce a bottle into his life too. Breastfeeding is great- good for baby, convenient for mum and feeding from a bottle seems clinical and unemotional. However, it is a tie when you fancy a few beers or want to go on the mother of all diets. Its exhausting feeding every hour for days on end with no one to assist, and then running around keeping a lively three year old engaged during the day. We have recently turned down several party invitations due to being too far to feasibly travel and return home for the 11pm feed.

I've read that if you offer only a bottle for two days, baby will learn to latch and suckle from a bottle. A baby will never forget how to feed in his preferred method, and can learn to do both. This would be ideal but not sure I could handle the two days of confused crying and would whip out the boob to nourish him.

The other benefits of extending breastfeeding are avoiding the transition to bottle and goin direct to cup. This worked well with Lil. The other selfish reason is the cancer protection given to me if breastfeeding extends beyond six months.

The next month will be interesting and I am sure whatever is 'right' will prevail.

p.s. We have also booked his baptism - busy times!!!!

Daniel and the New Bumbo Seat

2007-07-30T16:49:00.001Z

Daniel and the New Bumbo Seat,
originally uploaded by Kazza, Mizzo, Lils and Daniel.

Daniel has a new seat so that he can join in the action from an upright position. He loves it!

Blah Blah Blah

2007-07-16T18:58:00.000Z

Not been on here much, as I haven't had a lot to say but thought I would just check in tonight.

Operation Yummy Mummy starts tomorrow with my return to WeightWatchers, I have a mammoth amount of weight to lose but I will be back in my clothes by Christmas -FACT!

Baby boy is doing great, he is smiling more now that his wind troubles are abating and is now reaching out for toys and trying to grasp them. He hasn't managed to suck his thumb yet, just his whole fist! He is huge and he is beautiful.

The Princess is a joy as ever.

I have just found some books that I just have to order for the children. They won't want them for years yet but they will love them in a few years time. Children grow up too fast these days, girls of eight look like PussycatDolls (not good!) and boys sit in their rooms playing computer games and grunting (not good!)

The Great Big Glorious Book for Girls and The Dangerous Book for Boys are what my childhood were about and I would love for my children to experience the same fun, innocent, exciting things that I did and I am sure that they will enjoy them as much as I did even if it is inbetween playing with Bratz dolls (arghhhhhh) or doing something technical that I don't understand (likely).

Ahhhh the long days spent making rose petal perfume, reading the stars and practicing knots - heaven.

Doing What I Do Best

2007-07-07T07:55:00.000Z

I love being a Mum.

I am fed up of being marginalised because of the job I do, I resent the stigma attached to simply being a Mum.

My job involves long shifts, people management, problem solving, diet and nutritional planning, money management, and so many other skills I can't list them all. I am responsible for all of the emotional, educational and physical development of two people .

If I sat pushing paper around a desk for 8 hours a day I would gain more respect.

I feel that peoples values are evolving around me.

The need for 'stuff' seem to be erasing manners, respect and civility. Things before people.

Are money and things more important than emotional stability, wellbeing and happiness?

I look around and feel I'm in some sad, grim vision of a world where we work until we die, our young are removed to sterile baby-raising facilities and our elderly are shipped off to die, out of sight.

It is madness that society penalises families for being just that. Families.

Many women fall into the trap of feeling they have to work to pay the bills. Many women (not all) are forced back to work soon after the birth of their children, torn emotionally and financially, blackmailed by the government and society into believing that staying at home to look after their children is the same as sitting on the sofa watching Jeremy Kyle. Being a Mother is an important job and when done properly is one of the most important roles there are. We are raising the next generation.

I was asked yesterday if I might have more children. My instant response was 'NO' as the thoughts of getting my body back, getting my life back into order and how would we afford more children came into my head. See I too fall into the modern trap.

It's not about me, it's not about big houses and holidays in Tuscany. Although all that is very nice. What is most important to me and my family is happiness. Our home is fun, it is filled with laughter and we (I believe) have amazing, clever, beautiful, kind children. So what I'm basically saying is....Mmmmm.... I have found my vocation in life and should we really stop here just because we and our peer group buy into a more material and usually less happy way of living than previous generations.

I am not saying that all Mums should stay at home - far from it, but those that want to and those that want to make a difference in society should make a stand and not feel that pressure to be something that the Government have programmed us all to believe is right.

This probably makes no sense at all as I haven't read back what I have just thrown down onto the keyboard but it helps my brain think things out.....

Am I Going Crazy?

2007-07-03T18:37:00.001Z

I hear voices in my head.

I have conversations with myself.

They usually go something like this.....

Me 1 - "Why won't he sleep through the night?"

Me 2 - "Because he is ten weeks old!"

Me 1 - "But I am exhausted and very grumpy, how can I make him sleep?"

Me 2 - "This won't last forever"

Me 1 - "It feels endless"

Me 2 - "But it isn't - before you know it he will be walking and talking and sleeping all night"

Me 1 - "I know but....."

Me 2 - "No buts, this will all fade and you will start wanting another baby"

Me 1 - "Arghhhhhhh"

Me 2 - "Now stop talking to yourself, the kids are asleep so go do something useful with this precious time like have a wee or doing the ironing or eat"

Me 1 - "Ok, but I just need to check my blog first....."

Operation Yummy Mummy (I changed the title as some of you thought I was talking about garden buildings)

2007-07-02T20:06:00.000Z

Tomorrow I will enter a new phase.

I would like to lose a shocking amount of weight and for my legs to grow about 2 inches. A facelift and tummy tuck would also be quite nice.So, I've set myself reasonable goals and *looks up* I've got a positive attitude. I'm poised for success.

These layers of blubber on their way out and a new me will emerge. This may take a while, there's a lot to sort out but I WILL get there and be 'me' again. I want to feel sleek and smooth and have boundless energy and zest. I want to be the Mummy my kids deserve. I know I'm a great Mum but I also want to be a little bit Yummy too!

Look out - I'm on my way back..............................

MOTHERS LITTLE HELPER

2007-06-26T07:50:00.000Z

Then there are times when I am in pieces. Like when Dan has had a growth spurt and feeds every hour on the hour for 48 hours, give or take the odd two hour respite when he screams.

The past week has been tough. The Princess has had a fever and Dan has screamed and screamed and screamed with wind. It got to the point when I-just-couldn't-focus-on-anything-other-than-the-screaming, oh yes and Daddy has now got a fever -great. So yesterday the whole family trudged off to the GP. The result of the visit - She confirmed that Lilly did indeed have a fever and Dan has wind - hurrah - glad we went for that visit.

The grey hairs and wrinkles are appearing everywhere. The stretch marks, scars and pouches of skin are hideous and I am unable to communicate effectively or remember anything. Thank goodness that the GP told me to have a glass of red wine of an evening.

Cheers!

Growing Up and Saving The Planet

2007-06-21T07:37:00.000Z

Yesterday, baby boy had his 8 week check and jabs (another story including lots of screaming and testicles!!!). Whilst in the doctors room the Princess was chattering away in her usual style, the doctor stopped in his tracks and focused on her instead of the baby boy. He couldn't believe her language skills and was amazed not only at the size of the words used but her sentence constuction too. This confirmed my suspicions that we have a genius on our hands (joke) but also brought home to me just how grown up she now is.

She now dresses herself, makes up stories to tell us, helps herself to food and drink and gets herself up to the table to tuck in. That's no baby, not even a toddler - she is a real life girl!!!

And physically she's growing too. She's just under a metre tall and has hair to die for. I've noticed her hugs and kisses have become more deliberate, much stronger. When she puts her hand in my hand it no longer gets lost. I even had to buy new pants from the big girls section.
Yes, she's changing alright. And although it's scary and a little bit sad, I'm very proud.

We are also upping our efforts at being 'green' and the Princess knows to help us in this. She knows about Bags For Life, she recycles paper and knows her way around the bottle bank. She knows that her old clothes can be passed on to others and we are working on passing on toys too (not so into this!!!!) not sure if she will be impressed by my new bag though - I finally got my Anya Hindmarch 'I'm NOT a Plastic bag' Bag. I have been on the waiting list since before they were first issued and finally my time has come. Of course its not for fashion and status you understand I am being green!!!!!!

25 Things To Do On A Rainy Day

2007-05-28T09:29:00.000Z

1. Stare out of window.
2. Put toys back in box.
3. Watch Lilly tip toys onto floor.
4. Hold Dan.
5. Breastfeed.
6. change poo covered baby and clothes.
7. Eat.
8. Contemplate scrubbing upstairs floors
9. Ditch the idea.
10. Drink tea.
11. Wash up.
12. Stare at contents of fridge.
13. Wonder if I can make a dinner out of eggs and cheese.
14. Ditch the idea.
15. Read The Gruffalo three times.
16. Change nappies.
17. Make breakfast - Bircher Muesli
18. Think I am probably not like Anthea Turner.
19. Put Dan down for a sleep.
20. Listen to Dan grunt
21. Contemplate having a shower
22. Ditch the idea
23. Drink tea
24. Stare
25. Count minutes until another big person is in the house

Three Weeks Three Days

2007-05-17T18:33:00.000Z

Our little man now weighs in at 11 pounds and is a feeding/sleeping monster. He is a textbook newborn and is no problem at all, he is a bit windy but hey after the Princess' colic we can deal with wind.

Breastfeeding hasn't been quite as straightforward as last time round (mastitis, ouchy nips and a very hungry baby all add to the pain) but I am keeping going for now as it was such a beautiful experience last time and although I have suffered a little bit, the man himself is piling the weight on like a sumo, so something is working well.

DH and I have decided that this week we have to reclaim the house and ramp up the discipline with the Princess, it's not that she is naughty but little habits that we don't like have started to form, and so we are stamping on the bad behaviour now before any harm is done. This might sound harsh as she really is a little beauty but we think it is wise to take action before a brat develops.

She is doing really well with the transition to big sister from 'centre of attention' but a few odd behaviours have started to appear - not wanting me to leave her side, not joining in with things that she previously enjoyed and a shyness that up to now was unheard of. This, without a doubt, is all related to the arrival of Dan and I have been told that this is all normal stuff that will pass with time. I hope so. I miss my confident, party animal little nutter. That said, she is so loving and kind to baby D and takes her role as big sis very seriously. So really I couldn't or shouldn't ask for more right now.

TWO WEEKS

2007-05-08T10:32:00.000Z

So, the Prince is now two weeks old and is doing great. He has put on 10 ounces in the past 4 days so we can safely say "my boobs rock!". Also, the midwife is happy that his jaundice is clearing and decided that a blood test for liver function isn't necessary.

He has been feeding every two hours for the past two days and suffered with some terrible wind pain which kept us up a LOT at night but last night was much more settled so I am hoping that that was just a growth spurt/blip and we are going to go back to quiet, placid Danny again.

We are amazed at how the Prince has settled into out lives, when the Princess was born we barely had time to eat or speak but life is continuing fairly normally at the moment (although it does take an awful long time to get out of the house these days). I might change my mind on that though next week when Daddy goes back to work and I am left single handed. Watch this space.

One Week On

2007-05-01T10:37:00.000Z

The Prince is now 8 days old and is just beautiful.

At the moment he is a very quiet, sleepy, placid baby. He is so good to his Mummy and is currently only waking twice at night and after a feed he goes straight back to sleep. Long may it last!!!!!

He has had slight jaundice since birth and is now spending all his days in our conservatory trying to clear it up. I think today I can see an improvement and so I hope by the time the midwife next visits she will declare it gone - if not it would mean a little trip to hospital to sleep under a sunlamp, but fingers crossed that won't be necessary.

The Princess is now recovering from her chest and ear infections and has gone out with Daddy this morning to a local garden centre to look at the animals in the pet shop there and to get some fresh air.

Yesterday we heard that she had won a prize in a local council run art competition. She had to colour in and decorate a butterfly and she got a 'Highly Commended' in the under 4's catagory.
She has been invited to an evening prize presentation by the lord mayor, followed by tea and cakes and a magic show. Wow - Daddy and I collapsed into tears with pride - goodness knows how we will cope when she passes exams etc later in life.

We are so proud of our children - what did we do to get so lucky??????

A New Chapter

2007-04-29T13:25:00.000Z

Daniel Edward (from now on referred to as The Prince) arrived one week ago, he is beautiful and looks almost exactly like his big sister did when she was born. He is a whopper though, weighing in at 9lb 5oz - goodness knows what he would have been in another three weeks if I had gone all natural.

I cannot describe the feelings of love that I am currently experiencing - it's an amplified version of The Princess' birth as this time round I have been (a little) more 'with it' due to the planned c-section and also the love that The Princess has shown to him as just made my heart feel it might burst. She loves him so much. She can not leave a room without first kissing him and giving him another toy.

We have been blessed with the most beautiful and kind hearted children (well, I hope Danny Boy turns out to be a nice guy and not a psycho) and to be honest life couldn't really be much better than it is right now. I am saying this whilst the Princess suffers with a chest AND ear infection and I am slowly going insane looking at The Prince for signs of illness. So can you imagine the bliss I will be experiencing when both children are happy and healthy- it scares me to think that anyone could possibly be this happy.

Of course by the time the Princess is mended we could be entering the realms of colic and sleep deprivation on a mammoth scale - but for now I'm off to stare at my TWO beautiful children.

8 DAYS TO GO

2007-04-15T10:24:00.000Z

I can't believe that baby boy will be with us in just 8 days time, we started on this adventure in January 2006, so to get here seems like an epic journey but I am sure the next week will pass in the blink of an eye.

I will start to blog again now, it WILL be boring reading but it helps me to focus and also provides amazing memories. During this pregnancy I have been able to look back at the Princess' pregnancy and early days on my old blog and have found so many bits of info that I had either forgotton or blocked out of my mind!

With just a week to go, I am now so very ready for this baby to arrive. I am big, bloated and very uncomfortable. I am not scared of the c-section (although not exactly looking forward to it either) but am a little nervous of the recovery time afterwards. Last time I was able to take things VERY slowly but this time we have the princess to consider and as Daddy has gone and fractured his elbow, his help is going to be somewhat restricted.

The next two weeks will be interesting as life changes once more. I am filled with excitment at meeting our new family member and seeing a whole new person take his place in the world.

BRING IT ON!!!!!!!!!

Mmmmm Pancakes

2007-02-20T08:31:00.000Z

Today we will be eating many pancakes and much chocolate, yummy!!!

Don't bother to check in here for a while - I have decided that as well as giving up chocolate for Lent, I will also stop blogging - just because.

That means that you might not get any updates now until just before baby arrives or maybe even afterwards, although I am sure you can live without reading about my aches and pains and swollen feet.

Ok, it's 8.30 in the morning and I had better get going - I have a lot of chocolate to consume if I am to clear the stocks today!!!!

Hopes and Dreams

2007-02-16T08:57:00.000Z

Well, I had hoped that the Princess' impetigo would be cleared up by today so that she could return to pre-school - it had and she did!!!! I am so pleased as a) she so loves it there and I hated her not being able to go and b) we have a builder coming today to survey our garage ready for conversion (this would have been chaotic if little miss L had been around).

This is another dream that we might be able to realise soon. We have wanted to convert the cold, dirty, mess of a garge into a family room/study for ages but as with these things, if it isn't absolutely necessary you just put it off. Now that the arrival of baby is imminent, we have got things moving and soon we will have another room into which we can spread (a small room, but a room none the less).

On the subject of dreams, Russell Brand seems to be making many appearances in mine. He is such an interesting person (and if you know me you know how I like 'interesting'), so clever, so witty, so charming and just a bit edgy. He presented the Brits the other night and I really hope that he doesn't become the 'youth' version of Jonathan Ross. His appeal (to me at least) is his risque humour and dare I say slight licentiousness and I would hate to see this watered down for the masses.

Anyway, my hopes and dreams for the coming week are that the Princess can remain healthy as we have a date with Noddy on Monday and that the garage conversion happens swiftly and smoothly.

Will my hopes become reality? Probably not. Will I ever be an optimist? NOPE!

Spring Is Coming

2007-02-14T19:34:00.000Z

At five o'clock this afternoon the sun was still streaming through our windows. Hurrah - Spring is coming!!!!!

Stuff and Nonsense

2007-02-12T08:54:00.000Z

Hello to all those friends and family who check in for news here. Not a lot of stuff going on at the moment but here's the latest for what it's worth.....

The princess has started pre-school and loves it!!! She has adapted really quickly and loves seeing all the other children and whenever I have peeped in at her, she appears to be having a ball and is generally in the middle of everything. I miss her like crazy when she is away for those few hours but come April I may not have time to think about that!!!

All is well with me, I am massive. Looks like I am going to be just as big as I was with the princess, and if I escape again with no stretchmarks it will be a miracle. I am smothering myself in Clarins oil so fingers crossed. Everything else is going well though and baby is kickboxing for England so I guess he is doing fine.

We are hopeful that our building works MIGHT be done before baby arrives, the builders have given us week commencing 5th March as their start date. It's a shame that we won't have time to get it sorted, painted and furnished but at least the messy, dirty stuff will be done before baby arrives (if all goes to plan) and we can get the rest of it done slowly over the summer.

We are on spot watch as Lady L's new pre-school has had an outbreak of chicken pox, so I am hoping that if she is going to get it, it will be sooner rather than later so that we are clear before bambino arrives. There are so many bugs about at the moment though so if it's not chicken pox I am sure she'll pick something else up soon, in fact today we are off to the docs with a strange skin thing - I am self diagnosing impetigo, but we will see what the gp has to say. If it is that she has to have antibiotics to clear it up before she can go back to school. Update later...........

UPDATE: It is impetigo - antibiotics prescribed - spot already fading - another ailment to add to her collection.

Moving On Up

2007-02-02T07:54:00.000Z

We have entered a new era. The princess is about to start pre-school. This week she had two visits to get used to the idea, yesterday's trip she did solo. She loved it! Not once did she ask for me and when I arrived to collect her she was in the middle of everyone having a fantastic time.

All that the staff could say was 'she is very confident' and 'she was walking round introducing herself to everyone' and ' she had great fun'. I am relieved, happy and just a little sad as she moves on to bigger and better things it leaves me wondering where my baby went and longing for those days when all we did all day was cuddle.

She is so precious that I find it so hard to know that she will now experience things that so far I have kept her from.... at bathtime last night she started to tell me all about a boy at school who had been naughty to her and had pushed her in the face, it breaks my heart to think that some nasty little brat has hurt her but she coped with the situation and didn't cry, she just asked him why he was being so naughty - that's my girl!!!!

She is a precocious child in many ways and is very bossy. She despairs at other children not doing exactly as she dictates and can't understand why her friends don't play 'properly' like her. It's difficult trying to explain the merits of empathy, generosity, kindness and democracy to a two year old. I remember with clearly how sad I would be when other children lied, broke a toy, or broke the rules. If I'm honest, I haven't changed much since then and I am constantly disappointed by people. The princess is very different to me though - I am sure that her confidence (I have none) and sociable nature (I find people difficult) will carry her through many situations.

For now, I am excited for her to be starting on this new journey and adventure and although it is tinged with sadness, I know this will be the start of a big shiny new life...for us all.

Boy Oh Boy

2007-01-26T08:07:00.000Z

Not a lot to blog around these parts. Life is going along smoothly and therefore it makes for dull reading but happy days for us.

The princess seems to have settled back to a normal sleeping pattern, we still do get odd bad nights but to be honest we are very lucky as on her good days we get over 12 hours from her so I suppose it's all swings and roundabouts.

We have had a scan to find out the gender of new baby M and........ it's a boy!!!! We were gobsmacked to find this out as we just assumed it would be another girl but we are now so happy that we will have some balance to our home and that DH won't drown in a sea of pink, glitter and barbie dolls.

I had a consultant appointment yesterday which confirmed that all is going well with baby M and we had a good chat about the whole VBAC versus c-section isssue. The consultant that we saw has to be balanced and give us all the pros and cons and of course a c-section does carry all the risks of major surgery but very minimal risk to baby, therefore my decision is made - I will be going under the knife.

If I attempt a natural birth there is a risk (tiny but still a risk) that complications could arise and one of these is that my old scar could rupture, this is fatal to baby. It's a risk I just can't take and if a natural labour doesn't go 'text book' I would end up with an emergency section anyway. So it is better all round (apart from for me!!!!) that we schedule a c-section so that we can be organised with the Princess and baby doesn't have any risks.

It is all feeling very real now. All of my appointments upto the end of March are now booked and baby shopping is going well. The nursery is looking good and apart from a couple of little things we are just waiting for baby M to fatten up and build himself up to join our family. Are we excited? Very!

The next couple of months will fly by - we have loads of stuff going on, so the days and weeks will pass quickly. The Princess starts pre-school in a little over a week and although this makes me very nervous (I don't really like the idea of losing control and some of these kids she will be playing with are horrible, snotty little monsters - but hey!) I know that she will love it and that it will do her the worls of good. She is already incredibly sociable and very confident but I hope it will be an environment in which she thrives. Also, I get to put my feet up for two mornings a week for two months - bliss!!! Although saying that I doubt I will as nesting is kicking in and all I want to do is clear cupboards and wash windows - freaky I know but it'll take me another two years to get round to it again so I had better grab the opportunity whilst I can!!!!!

Growing Pains

2007-01-12T21:51:00.000Z

For the past few weeks the Princess has been having night wakings which last for approx 2 hours at a time. During these episodes she usually complains of leg pain. We have dismissed her claims as an attention grabbing technique but it seems this is a common complaint amongst fast growing pre-schoolers.

She has suddenly shot up again and is looking very 'grown up' so maybe she is suffering with growing pains.

If at all interested go here to read more on this subject.

Good News Bad News

2007-01-10T16:58:00.000Z

This week has seen me enter the 25th week of pregnancy, baby is now officially 'viable' - which basically means that if born now he or she would have roughly a 56% chance of survival. Each day that passes makes baby bigger and stronger and gets those all important lungs finished off. I visited the midwife today and all is as it should be so for now I can relax and enjoy the pregnancy.

The bad news is that today I dared to weigh myself. TWO STONE heavier than 6 months ago!!! That is scary. I promised myself that I wouldn't be such a bloater with this pregnancy but unfortunately it looks like I am going to be just as mammoth as I was in 2004.

I am going to try to eat a bit healthier but to be honest I think this is just how I do pregnant (not helped by a bit of Christmas overindulgence).

Going baby shopping htis weekend to start picking up a few bits that we need to get new. Luckily we did keep a lot of stuff from baby no 1 but it's amazing how much stuff still needs to be bought. Three mattresses for a start (carrycot, crib and cot) as this cannot be reused from last time and then there's stuff like a buggyboard and some new bedding, change mat etc etc not that I am complaining baby shopping is the best kind of shopping!

2007

2007-01-02T09:34:00.000Z

So, it's all over for another year. Today we will start to dismantle the Christmas tree and decorations and return to normality (whatever that is).

The Princess has been sleeping terribly and last night we were up for a three stretch. We were all up, wide awake. There was a lot of crying (from more than one person) and lots of scary thoughts of a family of four being awake all night long in a few months time.

SO as of tonight we have to sort out this sleep issue. In my heart I think there a few issues, one being total overtiredness due to the festive fun and lack of naps and the other being an issue of control by the Princess, she wants to dictate our sleeping arrangements and as of today this WILL stop.

My back hurts, my belly is huge, I didn't get enough sleep and I wanted to start this year on a high!

On the positive side, I had a fab Christmas. I ate my (considerable) weight in chocolate, got some fabulous gifts and had the most special time with my family, so it's not all bad.

So forgive me for moaning about my tired state, but I am hoping this will be the last blog in the subject for a few months. I may be missing from the blogosphere for a while as the sleep thing will only get worse before it gets better but give me a week and I hope we will ALL be having beautiful dreamy nights.

Oh, and HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU TOO.

Happy Christmas and a Groovy New Year

2006-12-28T09:04:00.000Z

Hope your Christmas was as good as ours.

The Princess has had a ball and totally got into the whole spirit of things. I THINK we managed to do the whole Santa/Rudi thing and manage to teach her a little of the real reason for the season. We did lots of activities and reading on both subjects and the two didn't seem to get too blurred so I think a resounding success is to be claimed.

It has been the magical Christmas that we have dreamed of for 10+ years and was worth waiting for.

The Princess has been amazing, she ate everything in sight, slept amazingly (14 hours+ on Christmas night woohoo!!!) and behaved like the perfect princess. I couldn't have imagined that she would shout her thanks to Santa after every present opened and she asked to make thank you cards to send to everyone who sent her gifts (lots and lots of them). She really amazes me more every day.

Now we are heading towards the New Year - 2007 and what will that bring in the Princess' life? Well, we know that she will become a big sister, turn three and start pre-school but as to how she will change in the next 12 months - who knows, but I for one am very very excited about finding out and watching every minute it.

New Year Resolutions?

I don't think there is much point in me making these this year as I will be lucky just to get dressed each day and make it through the year with all my marbles, so I'll leave all the weight loss and self improvement stuff until 2008 and maybe then I will be able to think straight.

HAPPY NEW YEAR Y'ALL, HOPE IT ROCKS FOR YOU.

Wake Up and Smell The Coffee

2006-12-17T18:42:00.000Z

Hubby and I love coffee. We love the taste, the aroma and more than anything , if we are honest we love the ritual.

When Hubby retires, his dream is to open a cool coffee shop which battles valiantly against all those chain coffee shops out there. Some of the chains make pretty good coffee (Cafe Nero ranks up there as one of the best) but most of them lack character and a cool relaxed vibe. I know they try to but most fail.

We know all about how difficult it is to open a small business these days especially one which tries to compete against a huge corporation but we can dream.

Anyway, we found this little movie on youtube recently which perfectly demonstrates how some people have a passion for doing coffee and doing it well. Try clicking here, it's cool.

I'd like to see the 'baristas' in our local Starbucks do that!

How I Love Thee

2006-12-13T09:20:00.000Z

If you haven't already discovered Montezuma's chocolate delights, go now and get some!!!

We bought their DOS Hot Chocolate earlier this year and it is amazing - Hot Chocolate with Chilli!!!! Sounds gross but tastes fab. Last weekend we bought TRES Hot Chocolate with nutmeg - nice!!! It's like drink liquid rice pudding - most comforting and yummy.

We have visited the Windsor shop and are lucky enough to live fairly close to the Chichester one and after a quick look around their website I see that there is now a shop in Winchester, so that will be next on the list.

Pregnancy cravings? Moi? Chocolate fiend? - Well maybe a little!!!!!

Hospitals, Dentists and Post Offices

2006-12-12T09:00:00.000Z

Hopefully will only have to visit two of the above missing out the Dentist bit!

Today I plan to post all of our Christmas cards so will be joning the queue at the Post Office. I do have stamps at home but it seems that this year with the new sizing system and the fact that we have several cards for overseas, there is no choice but to join the queue. Oh well, at least I may get a laugh in the process. Our Post Master is eccentric and every on every visit he seems to introduce you to a new personality of his - odd!

Today we also have to visit the hospital for our 20 week scan of baby. We are hoping to find out the baby's gender but you never know if baby will be playing hard to get. He/she has been really active this morning and I am hoping he/she will be just as gymnastic when we have a peek.

On the Dentist front, I have had a niggle around one of my teeth for a few days, it couldn't be described as pain but a niggle which couldn't be ignored. I know that dentistry is free whilst pregnant but I could really do without it right now. It seems to have gone away now but it did make me a little nervous as the thought of a Christmas break and me unable to take pain relief scares me. Anyway I will see how it goes over the next few days - fingers, toes and everything else crossed that I don't have to make that particular visit.

Talk Talk Talk

2006-12-11T07:57:00.000Z

The Princess' language evolution is relentless. last night we were watching some video footage from a year ago, her language was restricted to simple one word object identification. Today it's a collection of thoughts, feelings, observations, consideration of consequences and mimicry.

It makes me proud and it completely blows my mind.

Being able to witness firsthand how a child develops is probably the most amazing thing I will ever do with my life. The fact that every single parent in the world has or is experiencing the same miracle doesn't diminish it for me at all.

I know have said it time and time again but she completes our lives and amazes us every day. We are going to have another baby in April and the thought of watching another person find their way in the world like the Princess is doing is really exciting - we are so lucky to be experiencing this and I try never to take a single moment for granted.

Speaking of the current pregnancy, something happened this week and I have grown enormous - really enormous. So much so that I was really scared of just how big I might actually get by the end. We looked back on the photos of my belly from the 2004 pregnancy though and it appears that I ballooned at 20 weeks then too, so this must be a big growth week - scared very scared.

Christmas is coming......

2006-12-09T08:38:00.000Z

Starting to feel festive now. Probably helped by the fact that we couldn't find a parking space when shopping yesterday and we are knee deep in Christmas cards and tinsel.

Today we plan to get our Christmas tree, decorate it, go and see Santa (and his huskies!??) and generally immerse ourselves in sparkle and cheer.

I have always loved this time of year but it is especially special now that we have the Princess. Although there are less drunken Christmas parties (make that none) this is more than made up for my the magic seen through the Princess' eyes. It's just magical.

To change to subject slightly, this week I had my first online debate and dare I say got cyber stroppy! I regularly read and contribute to a forum which is for people who are/have experienced infertility in any of its forms. I am currently following boards which are full of people who are around the same stage of pregnancy as me following some kind of assisted conception. I couldn't beleive it when one person started a thread about festive drinking and how much she would be drinking over Christmas. Now, I normally say live and let live and if you want to give your baby a alcoholic drink, then that's your choice (it's a fact that alcohol that is consumed by you WILL be passed onto the baby you are carrying) but a debate started about units and I can't believe the ignorance out there.

Some people (admitted only a few) are using the ridiculous government guidlines of 2 units a week as the gospel and are drinking this amount regularly. What they fail to realise is that those units were based on a system devised 20 years ago and were worked on 8% alcohol in a 125ml glass - this measure and % is rarely available now - more likely 13% in a 175ml glass - this equates to 2.3 units in one glass - therefore two glasses on a night out equates to nearly 5 units.

When reading about Fetal Alcohol Syndrome it is hard to understand why anyone takes the risk. We aren't just talking about major disabilities but milder conditions such as behaviour problems and ADHD - I just can't take the risk and find it hard to understand those that find that a easy choice to make, especially those that have wanted a child and had to resort to assisted conception. I would do anything for my children and if means no champagne or mulled wine this Christmas then so be it - I know what I would prefer!!!!

Whinge over - back to the tinsel and mince pies........

Tears In The Night

2006-11-29T07:52:00.000Z

This morning at 4am the Princess started to cry. Properly cry. We were close to going to her rescue when the crying stopped and we heaved a stereo sigh of relief and turned back to our dreams.

On waking this morning the Princess' first words were "I was crying in the night". Upon questioning she said that she had seen a TV programme in which a baby was crying and it had made her sad in her dreams. Now, I have no idea what programme this was as we watched very little TV yesterday but she is going to have to get used to baby crys.

She is talking about babies a lot now, maybe because my belly is getting so much bigger and more obvious. She seems to be slowly coming round to the fact that it might be a boy, but it still doesn't thrill her as 'boys don't like pink'!!!!

Speaking of my belly, after my last preganancy it took me two years to get back into a reasonable size/shape as I believed the propaganda which tells you that breastfeeding takes you back to your original size - c**p!

I always said that if I was ever pregnant again, I would never let myself get as big and I would be one of those yummy mummies who stay their normal size with just a bump bolted onto the front - it's not happening. Some people obviously just get fat when preggo and I am one of them. I am not over eating and am much more active this time but the weight is piling on. I hate to think how I will look by the end.

Oh well, by the time I am 40 I might be skinny, sexy and getting some sleep!!!!

New Layout

2006-11-27T20:51:00.000Z

I have lost some of my stuff in the move to this new layout and right now I can't be bothered to get my html head on and start putting links etc back on - so I hope there is nothing missing that you loved and relied on me to link to.

I like the template though so will leave it like this for a while.

The Fog Is Clearing

2006-11-26T10:01:00.000Z

Thank goodness.

The past few months have been awful, I have had loads to worry about and things have been pretty tough emotionally, but things are looking up...

We had a scan last week and baby is looking great, in fact it is a week ahead in size and the lovely consultant has offered us another scan in December for piece of mind.

The princess has been sick all week with raging temperatures and yesterday that finally lifted and we were able to leave the house. She also ate a meal (tiny though it was) for the first time since last Saturday.

The princess also went to see Santa in his gingerbread house yesterday and after her inital reluctance she loved seeing him and chatted away telling him that she would be leaving him a mince pie and some carrots for Rudolph.

Another big thing yesterday was the Princess moving to her new PINK big girls bedroom. She loves it and actually asked to go to bed last night. She slept brilliantly and didn't get up until 8am - what a girl.

So things are brighter, just a couple of things to sort out and life might run smoothly for a while.

Another Bad Night..

2006-11-20T09:23:00.000Z

Therefore too much time to think about curious things.

The Princess has another cold (I may have mentioned this 10,000 times already). My glorious, happy, smiling little princess is a inconsolable, feverish, snotty ball of misery and I am not happy either.

I am annoyed for two reasons. One: She gets colds too often and where other kids seem to shake them off we have to cope with fevers and this is incredibly scary when you have a child who has had fits caused by fever and usually ends up in hospital. Two: Why does she get soooo ill when she was exclusively breastfed?

I have done loads of reading on the subject and there is no doubting that all evidence points to the fact that breast is best and apart from producing intelligent, kind, perfectly rounded human beings (or something like that) AND their immune systems should be fantastic.

So why can't the princess cope with even a cold without descending into full out illness? She picks up every bug going and suffers more than most other kids.

When bambino 2 arrives I fully intend to breastfeed, as I found the whole experience of feeding the princess not only gratifying personally (nothing like knowing that YOU are making this little person grow) but a totally grounding and beautiful experience - but am I going to do it to build up immunity? No! as it seems that this has absolutely no bearing on how the princess has ended up.

Anyway, enough of my moaning for one day. Lets hope we can get over this one soon and then I think I may lock her in the house away from all germs until May! (joke)

Coughs and Sneezes.....

2006-11-19T09:50:00.000Z

You know the rest!

Yup, The Princess has another fever brought on by a cold. She is currently visting the doctor with Daddy to see whats up.

Our major concern is that because her throat hurts so much, she just won't take any medicine therefore her temperature is shooting through the roof. We have been helpfully tod to hold her down and get it in (as if we hadn't thought of that!!) but this just results in vomit and a really upset girly.

Looks like another day on the sofa for us!

Aargggghhhhh!!!!

My Brain

2006-11-10T08:53:00.000Z

Those who know me, know that I am a constant quest to fill my head with knowledge, on a very long journey to spiritual enlightenment and generally improve my mind and soul.

Saying that I am also almost scarily interested in all things related to pop culture, celeb and fashion and I have discovered something which satisfies all of these in some small way.....

Celebrity Scissorhands on BBC3 is great.

It does have Steve Strange in the mix which who of course I love to watch. It must be hard for young viewers of the show to understand that that jittery old fella is infact responsible for the how the british club scene developed not only in the 80's but was also integral in the trance movement. If only there were people in pop now who were half as interesting and colourful.......

It must be said that I also have a teeny weeny little crush on Lee Stafford too, so that helps.

Dear Father Christmas.....

2006-11-08T14:47:00.000Z

How are you? Busy I expect, it's getting close to *whisper* 'that time of year' ....

I thought I would send you my letter nice and early as I have quite a few requests this year.

If possible I would like....

1. An extra 2 hours in bed every night

2. Self waxing legs, eyebrows etc etc

3. A fool proof weight loss solution ready for action in approx May 2007

4. Perfect health for my children (always)

5. A villa near Puerto Banus

6. World Peace

Thanks very much.

p.s if none of these are possible some nice bubble bath would do just fine.

Lots of love

K x

Parenting Styles - who knew?

2006-10-27T06:23:00.000Z

I enjoy being a Mummy.

I enjoy spending time with my Princess and enjoy seeing an amazing human being developing and growing.

My parenting style has changes dramatically over the past two years, obviously as she grows and new challenges present themselves, new tactics and skills are required from me! The other big change has been that I am now so much more relaxed. I started off as a manic mother and I hope I have eased off A LOT.

Maybe I am lucky or maybe I have done a good job parenting but the Princess is so good and a joy to be around.

Just lately I have noticed that my way of parenting has been quite zero tolerance compared to others but this seems to have paid off and we now have a princess who rarely needs telling off and if she does - it's all over in five minutes. Of course it is still early days and it could all go horribly wrong but right now - she's great.

Some parents don't share my opinion and believe that their little angels couldn't possibly be told off, they believe that a bit of push and shove is all part of learning to socialise and develop independence and confidence (Rubbish! It's just that fact that your child is a bully and you don't want to take any action about it incase little 'trevor' doesn't like you)and some think its character building (oooh, he knows what he wants! - Don't we all but we don't smash others in the face to get it!!!!)

I am also learning that in comparison to many middle class parents, I am a stern downright hard mum but this side of me rarely has to come to the front as the Princess is an angel (99% of the time).

My point with all of this waffle is really me wondering if it is the brilliance of my parenting that has created such an intelligent, well behaved, kind, generous child or has it been luck? Maybe I will get a huge shock with the next bambino and all of my 'skills' will be proved inadequate, shoddy and downright ineffective - baby two could be a beast who screams all day long and smashes other children out of the way.

All I say is, I am new at this and am making it up as I go along but with a lot of love and tons of attention I think children thrive and so that is the way I will continue - am I right? OF COURSE I ALWAYS AM!!!!

Georgie Baby

2006-10-17T19:12:00.000Z

Tonight I will be watching the documentary about Boy George. I have heard that it harks back to the old days a little too much but a fix of George is all I need!!!!

Hello - I'm Back

2006-10-10T09:14:00.000Z

I have been very poor at blogging recently but now that the morning sickness has subsided I am beginning to feel slightly human again - so to those that didn't know - yes I am with child!!!!

Life is good.

The princess is gorgeous and fills our life with love and laughter so the thought of another little person is just so exciting - how much fun can one house hold????

Today the princess and I visited the hairdressers and she was so well behaved. She now can't stop looking in mirrors at herself - so not like her mum.

Hopefully I will be back to full bloggage in the very near future - it all feels a bit rusty at the moment.

Build a post

2006-08-17T18:41:00.000Z

Rain sunny visitors tired good girl sleep Big Brother rubbish poo pants rubbish food good husband busy august weather what Fimbles fall claimsdirect loaded holidays happy nearly Christmas